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How can a woman learn to have an orgasm?

Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski on behalf of Good In Bed
Psychology
Orgasm difficulties in college age women are associated with the  Sexual Inhibition System, or SIS, responding to too many things. If your SIS has learned to put on the brakes in response to worries about body image and performance, these worries can delay or prevent arousal and orgasm.

Through the practice of mindfulness and systematic desensitization, you can train your SIS to ignore body image, worries about performance, and other thoughts that can impede sexual arousal and orgasm.

Each day, spend 5-30 minutes lying still and noticing how your body feels. Your mind will wander -- that’s normal -- and your job is to redirect your thoughts back to the sensations in your body. Over time, your mind will stay more readily focused and your sensory awareness will grow more acute.

Week by week, add erotic stimulation, gradually increasing its intensity. At first, just touch your body in a general way and notice how that feels. After a week or so, add breast stimulation. Maybe another week later, add genital stimulation.

You needn’t try to increase your arousal level; just notice how your body responds to various kinds of touch.

Stay aware of the physical changes you notice happening as your body becomes aroused; notice how your breathing changes, how the sensitivity of your skin changes, how the tension in your muscles changes. If you find yourself worrying about whether or not you’ll have an orgasm, gently return your attention to the sensations in your body. Just allow your arousal to increase or decrease, however it wants to in response to sensations.

Eventually you can add fantasy to the physical sensations and notice how your arousal changes depending on what you’re thinking about.

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.