2024 goal setting for your body, your relationships, and your life
In our first episode of “Small Changes Big Results,” child and adult psychiatrist Domenick Sportelli, DO, shares tips on how to be productive and goal set without burning out, a panel of experts breaks down the ins and outs of goal setting and more.
Transcript
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
My resolution is, I don't make New Year's resolutions.
So none of them have really stuck with me. I'm a big fan of, here we go again. It doesn't matter how many times you try it and fail.
You just do it again. I've failed on many resolutions that didn't come true. But it didn't stop me.
And I just strive to do something else to give me the same type of satisfaction. New Year's resolutions-- I really don't do them anymore.
You don't have to get ready if you stay ready. My resolution for 2023 is to bring more happiness
to myself and to the people that are around me. To take more space and time to rest.
Making more time for the people in my life that I love. It's actually something I've toyed with, this idea of just sort of taking a large block of time off.
To leave the state of California. Doesn't matter where I go, doesn't matter what I do-- I just need a vacation, somewhere.
To travel as much as I possibly can. To invite more pleasure into my life and to be someone who supports that in others.
[WHOOSH] [LIGHT MUSIC] So again, to be more productive
every day is a big burden on a lot of people, because there is so much extraneous activity these days. So I'm going to give you guys a couple of tips here
that are really important to allow you to feel and be more productive day-to-day.
So number one-- this is the big one-- is you have to set clear goals. Obviously, if you have vague goals out there,
you're not going to be able to accomplish them because they're going to feel too overwhelming and they're going to be too big. Just make sure that it's a very clear goal.
So be very specific. Make sure when you're thinking about your goals for the week or for the day, it's really important to prioritize them.
And a lot of times, we don't do that. We won't prioritize our goals of the day or goals of the week in importance.
So make sure you prioritize by importance and take one task at a time. Make a to-do list.
I hate making a to-do list. It seems like another task. Then I start to feel a burden. But I did realize, as I read the literature,
that making a to-do list and putting your tasks on paper or on your phone helps tremendously.
One of my favorite ones here on this list, guys, is learn to say no. I actually had a hard time with this. I was a big people pleaser.
A lot of us out there are. But what that tends to lead to is burnout. Make sure that you're comfortable with saying no
in a polite way. You can certainly pass on certain tasks if it's not important or necessary or capable
at the time. So learn to say no. That's a big one. And then finally, guys, make sure that you take time-- whether it's the end of your day, end of your week--
that you sit, review, and reflect what you accomplished. Take 5 minutes or 10 minutes, look at your to-do list,
and reflect on what you accomplished, what you didn't, what needs to get done. It doesn't take very long. But that will also reinforce you to continue being productive
and moving forward. [WHOOSH] [CHIME MUSIC]
My mindset is so simple. I just want to get better. I want to get better. And I want to work with great people. Just do anything.
Anything will lead to something else. Finish this mission, right? But there's a-- there is a balance between the mindset
of achieving and loving kindness that, at this point in my life,
I've actually discovered the magical balance. But it's really hard to get people to let go of the attack-and-defend achievement
mindset and trust the care and concern for your fellow humans
as a way of creating higher production. Never be ashamed of trying.
Effortlessness is a myth.
I've learned that success is very elusive and ambiguous.
And in the more kind of culturally understood way of, like, accomplishments and achievements
and things that look shiny and glamorous and important from the outside, are really quite blank without you putting
your meaning on, you know, what is success? What is success to you? [UPBEAT MUSIC] According to psychological research,
goal-setting actually can be linked with higher motivation, self-esteem, self-confidence, and autonomy.
What sorts of conversations do you have with clients or patients, even friends and family,
when it comes to defining and shaping your goals at large? So I love that question. So people will come to me, and they'll say,
you know, in college, I used to run track. And I was this fast, or I did this. And they want to get back to that.
However, part of the life cycle is that we move forward and we grow up, right? We grow older. With that comes shifts.
So when I talk to people about really prioritizing what it is that they want, I want them to be rooted and grounded in the now as opposed to,
"I want to get back to." What does your now look like, especially with you feeling good? So I try to really do a reframe and take the whole person.
Look at it holistically. What does work look like? What does the balance of family look like? What does socialization look like?
What does your access to food-- all of those things-- so that we can then create a true, sustainable pattern
of eating that feels good. And it has no guilt, because food nutrition is never served with a side of guilt.
Oftentimes, we think we should do something. We think we should be something, and it's based on what others are saying about us or saying is the
"should" of our life. And so I check in with their agency. I want to know, what is the why for this? And is this for sure?
I like saying yucks and yums. Is this something that in your body, when you think about this being a goal of yours, is it a yum inside of you, or is it like a yuck,
but I should do this? If you are setting goals for yourself or trying to achieve something that is based on what others
want or what you think society says is the right thing to do, then it is going to be very difficult for you to follow a plan and to actually feel
like it's congruent with what you need and want. So I really herald agency in the process of goal-making.
If it's not a heck, yes, then it's a heck, no. I think it's so important to really tune in to what
it is that you're actually trying to bring into your life. And I'm also a big fan of not shoulding all over yourself.
Don't should all over yourself. Don't put that pressure on yourself of, I need to be a certain way, I need to look a certain way,
I need to change my life and have it look a certain way. I believe that goals are absolutely important for everyone to have.
But at the same time, I feel that sometimes they can limit us from being in the present moment and allowing ourselves to just accept the life that we
have in the current state. Regardless whether you're happy with it or not, you are where you are. And you shouldn't put the pressure on yourself
of needing or wanting to be somewhere else. Goals are really healthy. But I think it's really important
to continue to tune in and ask yourself, is this a heck, yes, or a heck, no? [WHOOSH]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
We can prompt ourselves or nudge ourselves to make the choices that we know align with what we want to have happen in the future.
When we set goals, a lot of the times we think it's just putting it out there, saying to the world, this is what I'm going to achieve, maybe writing it on a to-do list,
maybe telling a spouse or a best friend that this is what you're going to accomplish. But there is so much more to effective goal-setting.
We need to also think concretely, what can we do today, this week, this month? What actions can we take that will
help us advance from where we are right now to where we want to be in the future? And also, we need to think about the obstacles that
stand in our way, those things, those challenges we might encounter that could be stumbling blocks along that route to victory.
So people use visualization in all different kinds of arenas. Some people use dream boards or vision boards
to come up with sort of a mental image of what an awesome future might hold.
So goal-setting really is a multifaceted process that takes us from thinking about not just what I want,
but how am I going to get there and how am I going to make it through the challenges? So one of my pet peeves are quick fixes.
And I see this as such a ubiquitous thing in our society now, especially with social media and marketing.
This is nothing new. Part of it is cultural, meaning that we like quick fixes too, because in order to gain something of improvement,
we have to put in the work for that. And we have to put in the time for that. And that takes effort and, sometimes, stress.
So we do look for quick fixes as humans. It feels really nice. Here's the truth, as a medical doctor,
as someone that knows physiology very well, most quick fixes, guys, really don't work. Pay attention to yourself.
What are you looking for with regard to that quick fix? A little bit of introspection, a little bit
of self-analysis-- instead of chasing these goals, thinking we're going to get a quick fix, and then thinking that quick fix is going to make us happy,
there is something, guys, called the hedonic treadmill. And the hedonic treadmill is a psychological term meaning we shoot for these little goals of attaining
things or losing a little bit of weight or looking better or buying a nice shirt or getting a piece of jewelry or whatever it might be.
But as soon as we get there, we feel the same way after just a little bit of time. So my point is here, pay attention
to what you're searching for with these quick fixes or, quote unquote, "quick fixes" and marketing schemes. Get to the root of that, and then address it appropriately.
So for example, if you're saying to yourself, look, I'd really love to lean up and lose 5 or 10 pounds, instead
of looking for some cleanse that's being marketed-- perhaps even dangerous, and I've seen some pretty scary stuff online.
As a doctor, I've seen some things that are a little concerning. Instead of looking for that quick fix, think about hiring a personal trainer
or going to a gym and start-- and setting up the 20 minutes per day, three days a week, perhaps.
And then those long-term goals will certainly be more stable over time. [WHOOSH] [PEACEFUL MUSIC]
Hi. I'm Rosie Acosta, and this is a meditation for setting your goals for the new year.
Any time you feel like you've deviated, you can always come back to this meditation so that you can re-inspire yourself
and reground yourself to what you really want. So let's begin. First, find a comfortable seated position.
Or if you want to lay down, that's totally fine, too. If you're sitting, roll your shoulders up and back. Grow up nice and tall.
Take a big, deep breath. Inhale through your nose. Exhale through your mouth.
Let's do that again. Deep breath in through your nose, exhale through your mouth.
Good. Relax your shoulders. Relax your throat. Relax your forehead. Just allow yourself to arrive into this moment.
Let there be a sense of ease. Bring your attention and your awareness to how you want to feel, not just now,
but when your goal comes to fruition. So think about yourself as the future self
in the present moment now. Notice how you feel.
Do a scan from top to bottom and from the bottom to the top.
Bring your attention and your awareness to the center of your chest, and know
that that vision of you for the future is now in the present moment.
It exists within you right here, right now. Take a deep breath in, nice long exhale.
When you're ready, gently lower your chin. Take a moment, blink your eyes open,
and come back into this space. [AUDIO LOGO]
wellness
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