Your financial health: how to budget better

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A lot of times we have self-worth and quality of life interacted with our sex lives and with our financial lives.

So Juliana, talk to us about financial goals, especially how those differ in your work as a marriage and family therapist. What kinds of questions do some of your clients come with?

So one of the things I found that is an interesting trend as my work as a therapist is that the conversations

about finances are very similar to the conversations about sex. They are often viewed as taboo, something

that you're not supposed to be talking about. It is something that we don't have a lot of language for, and we have a whole lot of judgment and shoulds and rights

and wrongs. So one of the things I like to do when my clients are speaking about their financial goals is one, say yes, I

am so glad that you are speaking words to this. It's important and we should be able to be educated

and we should be talking about it. The second thing is, as we know about goals in general, if you're not setting specific goals and having it be something

that you put your energy towards, then you're not going to meet your financial goals and you're not going to have that be incorporated in part of your everyday life, instead

of it being something that's separate than how you're living your life. The third is, what is the connection

between your financial goals? What are you saying that you want and how that is going to enhance the quality of your life?

And how is it going to enhance your self-worth? So I want to be very clear about, again, like what are your whys in this?

What are your wants in this? And how is that going to enhance the life that you say that you want? Excellent.

Rosie, the space feels more finite, right? It doesn't always feel in our control as some of the other spaces, like exercise or meditation.

And how does this change how someone might approach this conversation about finances and what options there are?

Yeah, I mean, this is such a great-- it truly is a great question. I mean, I grew up in an environment

where we didn't have much and I grew up with having lack mentality.

And I know a lot of people who have. And the way that this affects your overall experience in life,

I mean, it sometimes can feel like it's completely out of your control. And for some people, it is.

I mean, make no mistake, we've seen the effects of the last two years.

And really analyze where and how your beliefs around finances

hinders you in other areas of your life, changing your mindset around finances with what you have

and really focusing on how what you have best serves you in a positive way can really begin to at least change the way

that you feel about money. [MUSIC PLAYING] Finances are important.

And we have to support ourselves, families, safety, and security. But a Harvard study that has been following people for about

80-some years at this point showed that finances and wealth is not what truly makes people happy.

What truly makes people happy, as a result of this amazing study, where relationships with individuals with participation in your community.

So, of course, finances are important. It provides us security and safety and we provide for our families and we all

need a roof over our head and we need to eat. But just know that if you're striving for just financial

wealth or you feel as though that's going to lead to happiness, unfortunately, it truly doesn't. And that's what the data supports.

So if you're looking for happiness, you're not going to find it in wealth. You're going to find it in relationships,

and genuine relationships in your community, and with your family and time well spent with those individuals. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Carve out time to actually evaluate what is it that you're working on? What do you want?

Financial planning is ongoing. It never ends. Every year things change. So you've got to ask yourself, where am I now?

What's going on in my life right now, in my finances? What's my budget? What's the money coming in, going out? What's in my savings, investment, debt?

And then what are my goals? It's very personal, right? You got to focus on your own life,

not what someone else wants for you or what your friends are doing at this age. And then from there, you just say, OK,

how am I going to optimize everything in order to reach these goals? It's so part of financial learning to do two steps forward, one step back.

It's life in general, right? We're like, yeah, I'm making all this progress. I'm never going to overspend on online shopping again.

And then next week you get stressed or something happens and you overspend on online shopping. So don't punish yourself when that happens.

Just say, OK, that happened. That's part of the course. Now I'm going to get back on course and continue to make the progress right?

Life, it's never a straight line. I don't know about you, none of my relationships have ever been like that.

My business has never been like that. My goals have never been like that. There's all these twists and turns. And then eventually I'm like, oh, I'm here.

Now it all kind of makes sense. So with our money, we have to remember it's the same way. And don't get discouraged when those setbacks happen,

but just ask yourself, OK, great, it's happening. It's part of the course. What do I need to do to get back on course?

You got to get in that space where you're like, OK, I'm going to make progress. I might fall down again, but at least I'm making forward progress.

Give yourself a little bit more praise or credit for everything you have accomplished in your life as very good.

We are our own worst accountants. We do a bad job of just trying to keep all the different facets of our portfolio in our minds

at any one time. [MUSIC PLAYING] It can seem incredibly overwhelming and maybe even impossible to get that debt down to zero.

What can we do instead? Well, step one is to actually keep track of where we're spending our money every single day.

Now, that's a challenging process to go through, for sure. I understand that. But it's an exercise that's well worth the time,

because a small expense here, a small expense there, taking out a $20 out of our wallet or swiping our card for a small expense, we don't remember that,

because it's really of little consequence. But those of little consequence expenditures can add up over the day, over the week, over the month

and over the year. And we might find that a substantial source of our debt is coming from these things that we don't even remember spending the money on.

So try it for a week, become a better accountant, track all of your purchases. You'll get a better handle on where are you

spending your money? And then you can make a more intentional choice about whether you actually want to spend it there. When we get concrete about it, what we might also find

is that it reduces the stress that we have because now it's not just relying on ourselves to remember where is the money going

or to make up answers to that question, because we will have the real data in front of us to make more informed and better choices.

When we're looking at how other people use their money, it gives us the wrong impression about what works for other people, what brings their happiness,

and as a result, whether it'll bring happiness for ourselves. What other people present to the world is exceptionally curated.

It's not a true reflection of what they're doing, what their life is like, and how they spend those resources that they have. But it does serve as a very visual source

of social comparison for ourselves. Often times who we follow on social media, what grabs our attention in the world around us

are those cases that are exceptional. Those people are doing so much better than us. That's where celebrity culture comes from

and why it has such appeal for us. But what does it do to us personally? It makes us feel like we're not worthy.

So I encourage all of us to not look to other people's experiences to understand how am I doing

or how should I meet my own goals that I have. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi, I'm Rosie Acosta, and this is a meditation for any of you out there who are having financial stress.

Let's begin. So first, let's take a moment to sit up nice and tall.

Roll your shoulders up and back. Grow tall through your spine. And if it's comfortable, close your eyes.

As you begin to settle in, just notice your body. Observe your breath.

Become aware of any tension that this type of stress can cause your body.

I know it can be daunting, but just observe without judgment. Bring your attention and your awareness

to the center of your navel. You can even place both hands there. If it feels comfortable, stack one over the other.

So much of our stress and tension comes from our inability to feel safe.

So notice what are the parts of you that feel currently unsafe?

And now acknowledge that where you are in this moment, in this space, in this time,

you have everything you need in this moment right here, right now.

Relax any tension in your body. Know that everything you need is right here, right now,

in this perfect moment. Take a deep breath in.

Nice long exhale. Feel free to stay here as long as you like.

When you're ready, slowly begin to lower your chin. Blink your eyes open and come back into the space.

Feel free to do this practice any time you're feeling tension around your finances. I always recommend if it's something that's

causing you a deep level of stress, it's always great to talk to a professional that can help you work through this.

Thank you so much, and I hope that this practice serves you in some way.