Loneliness: Finding Connection
It is important to find quick, simple, and effective ways to reduce loneliness.
Transcript
SUE VARMA: Loneliness can impact us in a variety of ways. We know that loneliness causes increased medical problems.
It impacts our mental health. It impacts our emotional well-being. And it impacts our social connections.
That's why I think it is so important that we find quick and simple ways that are effective that can help us reduce loneliness today.
[MUSIC PLAYING] I'm Dr. Sue Varma. I am a board-certified psychiatrist.
I am a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU. I am a couples counselor, cognitive behavioral therapist,
and a distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. Take small steps to get back out.
It can be very simple. Literally leaving your house. Please, go to the grocery store. Go to a cafe. Go to a bookstore. Sit in a park.
Of course, you want to do this all safely. But there are so many ways that you can just, by getting out of the house, feel less lonely.
Reach out. You don't have to wait for another person to get in contact with you. If you're feeling lonely, please send a text message.
Send an email. Make a phone call. Ask a friend if it's OK to go for a walk in the park. Grab coffee. Be proactive.
Give yourself some love. When we think about loneliness, the focus is all about connecting to other people. And while, yes, that is the main way
that we're going to reduce our loneliness, but we also need to reduce some of the negative thinking that loneliness comes with.
Loneliness makes us focus inward. And I want you to give yourself some love so you can come back out and enjoy the world because that's
what this is all about, connecting with other people, but also connecting with the world at large. Give back.
We don't realize that loneliness impairs our ability to connect with other people so that we become completely
self-absorbed. And I'm not saying that being self-absorbed and being lonely is the same thing. Not at all. But loneliness makes us feel like it's all about us.
It makes us feel like we're not useful to society, that nobody needs us. And what you do when you give back is you break that cycle.
You remind yourself that you're useful to other people, that other people love you, that they need you, that you serve a purpose. So giving back helps reduce loneliness
by making us feel like we have a sense of purpose, and meaning, and value in our communities. Even though social media can increase loneliness,
at the same time, utilizing technology can be a great way, believe it or not, to actually break that loneliness.
Send a message to someone. Write a comment on social media. Sometimes for people, even posting something might be a great way to invite connection.
So social media can be a great way for us to share our common interests and hobbies and not about others.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. So many times, loneliness keeps us insular and inward-facing. And the way to break the cycle is to say, I'm lonely.
And that might just be a conversation you have with a friend or a family member. Or sometimes, it might be a conversation that you have with a therapist.
Loneliness can really be treated. If we think of it as a condition that has certain key symptoms,
then treating it, one of my favorite ways of treating anything is cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy looks at the way
that you think. And it says, how can I change my perception of what's going on so I can change my reality?
If you have a good therapist, number one, that in itself will make you feel less lonely because therapy helps people feel validated, and seen, and reassured,
and understood. So therapy can be a tool for you to reduce your loneliness, not only because in this session, you'll feel less lonely if you have
a connection, a good one with a good therapist, but also because it'll teach you the necessary skills
so that you can go out and connect with other people. Now I was working with a man in his 70s.
And I knew both him and his wife. And after his wife passed away, he said, you know, she was, kind of, my world. But most of my interaction was with her
or as a couple with other couples. But I am lonely. And I took for granted how much built-in social interaction
I had with my wife. We would go for walks every day. We would walk our dog. And now, I feel isolated. I was like, who do you know that you're curious about?
Let's just start with curiosity. He's like, you know what? My college roommate from I don't know how many years ago.
He's like, I've always thought about him. And it turned out that this guy also lost his wife to breast cancer five years prior
and was so happy to see him. And all of this ended up where, like, they ended up doing a smaller reunion. About five or seven of them got together
in their own hometown or college town and just, sort of, reliving the memory. And they ended up forming a WhatsApp chat group.
So they utilize technology to be able to stay together. And what they did was they were very
interested in their college fraternity that they were a part of. And they raised a little bit of a scholarship in his wife's
name and my patient's wife's name as, sort of, like, an alumni club and to give money to, sort of, underprivileged students.
And it was something that gave them meaning, and purpose, and an-- and an excuse to stay in touch. So sometimes, these activities are about an excuse, really,
just to stay in touch with somebody. So be proactive. Get help. Don't feel like you're being judged.
And the biggest thing is, don't judge yourself. It is totally OK. And if you're feeling lonely, you are not alone.
relationships
Browse videos by topic categories
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z
ALL