Ageless: the care you give

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Caregiving is such a critically important topic. And I'm happy to say that the resources for caregiving

are improving every day. But I was a caregiver for my parents for 15 years. And some of the lessons I learned from that,

and I maybe learned slowly, is that while it's a very challenge to be the caregiver,

I had young children plus caregiving a dad post-stroke,

it's a gift. And now that my parents are gone, I had so much closer relationship with them

than my siblings were privileged to have, that they are in many, many ways still with me. My father has Alzheimer's, and my mother is his caregiver.

And what I've learned through my experience with them as well as other people in my practice,

is that a few things that I've seen work very well, which is do not tell horror stories.

You think that you are helping the caregiver by talking about stories that were so awful and ended up OK

or are worse than what their experience is, and it does not land. And it actually really creates distance and stress

for the caregiver. I love the idea of showing up with laundry done and errands.

Not asking the person what they need but actually just offering it. Sometimes a caregiver doesn't even know what they need help in.

And as Patti said, oftentimes, the caregiver, that's their common role, and they have a really hard time accepting help.

So do it. Don't let them do all the labor for it. If you do bring meals, I have this one particular thing

is really look at healthy meals. So often, caregivers are given meals that are not very healthy, are very carb-loaded.

And they're really needing to have fresh vegetables and things that are actually lighter for them and their health.

Allowing or leaning on the doctor to help or the medical environment to help,

I found that a lot of my patients who require care or family members who are taking care of loved ones are not maybe aware of all the resources that they may be privy to

or may have access to through their health insurance, et cetera. [MUSIC PLAYING]

So Edie is probably one of the most patient people I've ever met because she's always so kind. She's still walking around.

She needs a little assistance with the walker, of course, but that's as expected at 114.

Edie, were your favorite hobbies? I know you like your walks. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

There we go. We like our walk. I enjoy living. I think things are as good as ever.

Good as ever. Very nice, Edie, how are you so happy all the time? Well, I try to be.

She says she tries to be so she just tries her best, pretty much.

There you go. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you. WOMAN: Happy birthday! [MUSIC PLAYING]

You don't want to know the secrets of aging? No No? What's going to happen to your body. Oh, God No, you don't want to know?

Oh, God, no. What do you wish you could tell your younger self? I'd wish I knew more about learning and being curious

and traveling the world. I've been fortunate enough later in life to travel and to see parts of this world.

And I wish I'd done more of it when I was younger. What are you hoping to do next?

I continue to work. I'm happy working. I'm still able to enjoy it, and I think that's part of what keeps me going.

So what is next? Who knows? I keep an open mind. I'm not worried about planning what's next.

The biggest misperception that I had when I was your age about aging was

that I wouldn't be able to do things, that old people couldn't do things and, all of a sudden, you stop participating.

And we've seen that isn't true. You need to be curious. You need to be active.

You need to really do what you're enjoying. How old do you feel? I feel about 12 years old in terms of the sense of humor.

So there's two answers to that question. Mentally, how do I feel, and physically, how do I feel? I thought it's like 12 and 61.

Well, look, I feel, physically, as you get older there are certain physical limitations. It's really just about how you feel.

As I said, if I'm curious and I'm enjoying myself, I don't feel old at all. I don't know what old is.

I-I don't acknowledge that age or age at all.

I think it's all part of your attitude. What do you think about aging and getting old? And how old is old?

I don't think aging is a bad thing. And I think old is whatever age Papa is.

I like young and whatever ages it is you.

I think the biggest lesson on aging that I learned from my dad is to live the life that you're given and to enjoy it because there are a lot of things to enjoy

directly in your vicinity. If you miss that sort of stuff, then you sort of miss the bigger process.

We do live in an anti-aging society, and aging is not glorified in our American society.

And I think that's wrong. I think there's a lot that can be learned and a lot of mistakes can be eliminated

by drawing from the wealth of knowledge

that our aging society has. The more that we acknowledge that we're all aging

and we will at some point need the support, and come to terms with that, and not be so anxious about it--

I believe a lot needs to be done to further advance

the conversation. While there has definitely been an evolution in understanding

of the importance of this and the impact that it has on families, the conversation will have to evolve given just the sheer size of the aging

population and the growing demand for caregiving. Where families can really do a better job of preparing

is truly understanding roles. And what is the desire of mom and dad?

And I believe that having the conversation early with mom

and dad and siblings as well if they're older on what would they ideally want.

And these are not easy conversations to have. It's admitting to the fact that this is going to happen, and we're all getting old. But that's life.

That's the reality of it. [MUSIC PLAYING]