No one talks about: Processing the aftermath of a suicide
Actor Courtney Vance and Dr. Robin discuss processing the loss of a loved one who died from suicide. They have a transparent discussion about taking care of yourself after losing a loved one from suicide.
When the suicide-- my father's suicide-- happened, you don't know that-- I didn't know that I needed to talk to someone.
I just didn't know. [MUSIC PLAYING]
You know, my sister and I were in the room arguing about something, yelling and screaming. And my mother came in quietly and said, you know,
Cecily, Courtney, eventually, it's just going to be you two. And the two of us looked at each other and just broke down.
And we haven't had-- my sister and I hadn't been on the same page for the last 30 years, plus years through my mother's passing from ALS.
When you realize that life is sacred, and every day, it really is precious-- that's one less day you have--
then things become important. And that knowledge is what my mother gave me,
the gift, the gift of knowing how life is about transitions. And I honor all the people that brought me to today.
One of the things about Mommy, Mama Vance also, is that, not only did she say you
and Cecily need to go back to your respective locations and find a therapist, but she said, I'm going to do it, too.
And it's so important, because so often we know that adults say, do what I say, not what I do.
And so, Courtney's mother offered this foundation
that it was OK, and actually, a necessity to pursue care.
I mean, that's what we're here talking about, to pursue care. Which is what this book is about, the mental cost-- the high cost for high living, or low living.
There's a cost for everything. And I can be on top. And that's what this book is about. You can be-- from the outward appearance,
I'm on top of the world. But inwardly, I'm dying. I'm struggling. And I don't know how to find my way.
Talking to someone is an option, an option that potentially can help. If you haven't, in your lifetime,
been told that this is an option by someone, or have seen evidence of it, then someone coming to you
or someone suggesting to you, talk to somebody, it's just so overwhelming with, well, how do you-- because that was my issue, is, how do I do that?
When you get in crisis, as we often do, if you don't have a team around you that has your back when things get rough,
they're not going to leave you nor forsake you, and that can give you the advice to say, Court, be quiet, Court,
don't say anything, Court, straighten up your shirt-- that is what the book is about, I think, to really let people know that it's OK.
Then people in general, life is about either you're in a crisis, coming out of one, or going into one.
And it doesn't mean that life is over. It just means that this is the season that you're in. And you know, I was in the season
with my mom for four years. And we just had to day-to-day ride it
out, accept the new normal. This is the new normal. This won't be-- this has come to pass. It's not going to come to stay.
It's going to be-- it's a season. And because there are some things in life that just take time, if you don't know what to do,
sometimes you just got to stand there and let things percolate and get ready for your next move.
mental health behavior
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