Sex Drive (Libido)

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• QWhat affects a woman's desire for sex?

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  A HealthyWomen answered

  Numerous things affect a woman's desire, ranging from work stresses to physical exhaustion to being unhappy with her looks. Even your cultural or religious background can play a role.
  
  For instance, if you grew up in a culture that was open to women being sexual, you're more likely to be sexual. Anthropologist Margaret Mead found that the majority of women in cultures in which the female orgasm was supported and considered appropriate were orgasmic; in cultures that viewed female orgasm as inappropriate, most women didn't have orgasms.
  
  So if you think the way you were raised or the cultural environment you find yourself in today might play a role in any sexual problems you're having, make an appointment with your healthcare professional or consider consulting a therapist to talk about it. No matter how many pills, creams or lotions scientists come up with, talking is still an important part of understanding and resolving sexual problems.
• QHow can a woman get sexual satisfaction if her partner has a low libido?

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  A Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, MD , Psychiatry, answered on behalf of Good In Bed

  When you don't address your partner's low libido, you may get to a point where he rejects any gestures of affection for fear it will lead to pressure for sex. In turn, you may become increasingly frustrated, more starved for intimacy, and feel rejected.
  
  One solution is to embrace your desire differences and find a frequency that works for both of you. Consider what you really want. Is it to have more orgasms more often? If so, then masturbate some of the time. If it's physical intimacy with your partner you want, perhaps you can both share a bath or a massage -- without the expectation of sex. Make sure to kiss and hug each other just for the sake of kissing and hugging, without trying to have sex. Once you stop making every gesture of affection a proposition for sex, you may find that he starts initiating more often. For some couples, it can be very helpful to explicitly state that you are not interested in sex, but just want to have some physical closeness.
• QWhy do some older women have a low sex drive?

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  A Dr. Mehmet Oz, MD , Cardiology (Cardiovascular Disease), answered

  There's nothing to be ashamed about: 40% of women will experience a decline in libido as their bodies age. Well before women hit menopause, their bodies begin to make changes that affect hormone levels. The ovaries, which are the source of 50% of our testosterone, become less active, decreasing the production of the sex hormone that is key to our libido. As estrogen decreases, so does testosterone. It's this decline in testosterone that's really responsible for a reduced sex drive.
  This content originally appeared on doctoroz.com
• QWhat supplements can boost my sex drive?

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  A Dr. Mehmet Oz, MD , Cardiology (Cardiovascular Disease), answered

  Libido-boosting supplements include:
  

  • L-arginine, an amino acid available in supplement form, may dilate clitoral blood vessels, increasing flow to erogenous zones and helping to improve arousal.

  • To beat the blues and hold on to a good mood, which is essential to wanting to make love in the first place, try rhodiola, a plant-derived supplement. Rhodiola may help block the breakdown of the feel-good hormones dopamine and serotonin. Increasing dopamine can boost female sexual pleasure. Diluting 20-30 drops in a glass of water is the recommended dosage for both men and women.

  
  This content originally appeared on doctoroz.com
• QHow can eating nutmeg increase my sex drive?

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  A Dr. Mehmet Oz, MD , Cardiology (Cardiovascular Disease), answered

  Add some spice to your sex life by sprinkling some nutmeg in your coffee or cereal. Nutmeg imitates the effects of serotonin -- its scent allows for relaxation and its taste can elevate mood. Lack of sleep can also be a culprit responsible for low sex drive. Nutmeg can help your sleep cycle as well, as it is rich in the sleep-inducing amino acid tryptophan.
  This content originally appeared on doctoroz.com
• QWhy is it hard for a man to admit he has a low sex drive?

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  A Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, MD , Psychiatry, answered on behalf of Good In Bed

  True or false: Guys want sex all the time. Men want sex more often than women do. If he's not in the mood, he's just not that into you.
  
  If you answered "true" to any of these statements, you're buying into the same stereotype that makes it so difficult for men to admit that they have a problem with low sexual desire. But who could blame you for the misconception? After all, some of our oldest jokes focus on men wanting sex all the time and women fighting them off. As a result, men often feel more shame about low libido than women do, and men and their partners may have a particularly difficult time talking about it. Yet 10 to 20 percent of men report experiencing low desire, compared to 20 to 30 percent of women. Clearly, this is an issue that affects men and women alike.
• QWhat medications can lower a man's sex drive?

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  A Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, MD , Psychiatry, answered on behalf of Good In Bed

  Drugs used to treat certain health issues can also lower his desire. The biggest culprits: A class of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) that boost the brain chemical serotonin. These medications can be a godsend for depression, but they can also lower sex drive (and can delay orgasm and ejaculation) in many men who take them. Other medications that can dampen desire include those used to treat high blood pressure or cholesterol, ulcers, anxiety, prostate cancer, and even hair loss.
• QAs a woman with a normal libido, how can my partner's low libido affect me?

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  A Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, MD , Psychiatry, answered on behalf of Good In Bed

  The misconceptions surrounding male sex drive can be harmful to you, your partner, and your relationship. If you're a woman with a healthy sex drive, it can be beyond frustrating to have a guy who's less than enthusiastic about getting it on. Because society tends to view men as sex-obsessed aggressors who always make the first move, it's easy to take it personally when he'd rather balance his checkbook than check you out. You feel rejected, disappointed, hurt, and start to wonder if he really is attracted to you or not.
  
  There's no doubt about it: Being constantly turned down by your guy in the bedroom can be a major blow to your self-esteem.
• QWhat can women do to boost their libido?

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  A Dr. Mehmet Oz, MD , Cardiology (Cardiovascular Disease), answered

  Women having trouble with arousal, desire, lubrication, or all of the above can see a doctor for medical or hormonal treatment methods, but don't hesitate to try your own methods too. Some options:

  1. Go novel. Desire increases with new situations, new stimuli, new anything. So maybe it means taking a bath before sex or using the recliner for other things than watching TV. Or maybe it means the two of you take lipstick and write sexy messages on each other as a method of foreplay. Doesn't matter what you do, as long as you break up routine and drive up desire.
  2. Add lube. We all know that there's nothing pleasurable about sex if the glide and ride feels about as smooth as a ride in a car without shock absorbers. For the smoothest results, you want oil or silicone lubricants. The only problem is that they degrade latex, so use water-based lubes if you're using condoms.
  3. Be honest. First, with yourself. Ask yourself about your anxiety and feelings about the relationship. Then, talk with your partner. Though it's not an easy conversation, men should know what they can do to help increase your pleasure and mood -- be it with more foreplay, more romance, or more everyday conversation.

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• QAre men and women hard-wired differently when it comes to arousal and sex?

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  A Dr. Mehmet Oz, MD , Cardiology (Cardiovascular Disease), answered

  It's interesting to look at the gender-based evolutionary functions of sex. Thousands of years ago, the woman felt that it was her job to grow the species and raise the children, so she needed someone who could protect the family. Her body responded better to intimacy (she could provide that intimacy through which men could help her reach orgasm). A man had different intentions. When he saw a bunch of marauders marching through the camp, he would get aroused by the threat to his family and mate - a signal that his sperm needed to beat out other men's sperm. So a man responds sexually to anxiety, risk, and excitement, in contrast to a woman's desire for intimacy.
  
  That hard-wiring difference is one way to explain the different ways that men and women feel aroused - and it's the basis for helping you figure out how to better mesh the sexual preferences and differences in your own relationships so that you don't only go through the motions when it comes to sex, but also experience the emotions.