Relationships and Family
A Answers (4)
Find out more about this book:Calming the Emotional Storm: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life
Because relationship problems are complex in nature, their solutions must also be more than material. That is why Ayurveda, the traditional medical system of India, combines several therapies as the solution: sadhana (meditation), aromas, music, massage, herbal treatment, proper diet, exercise, and detoxification. Together, these healing therapies provide the balm that heals consciousness and makes a person feel whole again.
The Council of Maharishi Ayurveda Physicians says Ayurveda always approaches a problem at the root level. And at the root of all relationships is the human heart. To the Ayurvedic physician, the heart is not simply a pump. It is also the seat of emotions. It is endowed with immense potential to love, feel, and give. It contains the essence of the cosmos within itself, just like a seed contains the whole tree. No wonder, then, that when you subject this sensitive, emotional heart to the stress-laden travails of daily living, it sometimes quails and shrinks within itself. This is an effect of pragya aparadh or “mistake of the intellect,” when the intellect, drawn toward and influenced by material consciousness, loses connection with the wholeness of consciousness. This is when we stop being centered within ourselves.
The way to make this mistake right is to allow the heart to expand. To listen to its quiet voice, and to follow what it is telling us. When we start doing this, slowly, the pragya aparadh will be corrected. The seeds of doubt, despair, and disappointment will shrivel up and die. We will be whole again--in ourselves and in our relationships with others.
Well, I do not think a long, in-depth self-therapy session is practical with every interaction, but there are a few key insights that are broadly applicable. To start is the idea of genuine presence. One of my favorite quotes is, "Wherever you go, there you are" from the movie Buckaroo Banzai. It has that delicious quality of being totally silly and shockingly profound at the same time. Realizing this fact, and living it, is probably the most important thing we can do to improve our relationships. Far too often, although we are physically with a person, our mind is somewhere else. Whether we are on the phone, listening to the radio, watching TV, or just caught up in our own thoughts, when we are not present in the moment - with the people next to us - we cheat ourselves and them of an pportunity to make a real connection.
Another important lesson is the necessity of practicing self-awareness, especially during conflict. The next time you find yourself in an argument, ask yourself what you really want and how your behavior is helping to meet those needs. The answer might not come to you during the heat of passion, but at some point, before you make yourself and someone else miserable, take a moment to create a safe place where you can be really honest with yourself. Once you have a clue about why you are choosing certain actions, see what changes you can implement to achieve your goals, regardless of what the other person is doing. Remember, it is all really about you.