Advertisement

How can I develop quality friendships?

Karen R Koenig
Psychology

Many women don’t know how to go out and pick friends and end up sliding into relationships with whoever’s available - your next-door neighbor who’s always begging you to go out for a drink but ignores you once you get to a club; your colleague who can’t wait to tell you the latest gossip about everyone else in the office; your fellow student who lets you copy his homework and thinks it’s okay to drop by your apartment unannounced at all hours; your manicurist who wants to know everything about you but is tight-lipped about herself; the woman in your book group who makes cutting remarks about absent members but is all syrupy sweetness to their face; the guy at the gym who laments his sorry life but asks no questions about you.

Are you picking up the thread here? Can you see the red flags in each example: your Jekyll-and-Hyde neighbor, gossipy colleague, intrusive and unethical fellow student, nosy manicurist, two-faced book group comrade, and narcissistic victim of a gym buddy? Each one might as well be marching around with a neon sign that says, “Probably not good friendship material.” No matter how many other terrific qualities a person has, from the get-go you need to watch out for what you can already see that might spoil the relationship. Should you avoid a snap judgment and spend a little time with someone to determine what she’s like? Absolutely. Then, either the relationship will become more or less enjoyable and satisfying. My opinion: Get to know everyone a little, then pursue people who are worthwhile and sympatico - and who aren’t draped in red flags. Better to be alone than with someone who’s not worthy of your friendship.

Continue Learning about Relationships and Family

Narcissism Gets the Girl, But Not for Long
Narcissism Gets the Girl, But Not for Long
We’ve all seen that guy at the party or the bar. He’s the one fluttering from girl to girl, chatting and being overly friendly. At first glance, this ...
Read More
How can I express my differences productively to my partner?
Lisa OzLisa Oz
You should always learn to fight right. Since dealing with conflict is a big part of any close, long...
More Answers
Is Marriage Good for Your Health? The Answer Is Complicated
Is Marriage Good for Your Health? The Answer Is ComplicatedIs Marriage Good for Your Health? The Answer Is ComplicatedIs Marriage Good for Your Health? The Answer Is ComplicatedIs Marriage Good for Your Health? The Answer Is Complicated
Tying the knot can have its health benefits—but it depends on the quality of your relationship.
Start Slideshow
What Do Women Want During Sex?
What Do Women Want During Sex?

Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.