What principles of behavior should I know as a parent?

Bad behaviors can be changed if parents know and apply my ten basic and proven principles. Here are my “Top 10” that I repeatedly share with parents who are trying to alter their kids’ behavior – but because they aren’t using them, they don’t get the results.

Most behaviors …

1. Are learned. Some behaviors may be influenced by biological factors, but most are learned. That means parents make a huge difference in how their kids turn out.

2. Can be changed. Most behaviors can be changed by using solid research-based techniques.

3. Need intervention. Don’t expect your kid to change on his own. His behavior will most likely only get worse without your intervention, and then it will be even tougher to change.

4. Take time to change. Behavior change takes time: usually a minimum of 21-days of repetition.

5. Require commitment. Long-term commitment is necessary for any meaningful and permanent change. There’s no getting around it: parenting is tough work.

6. Must have a replacer or substitute. No behavior will change permanently unless you teach another behavior to replace it. Without a substitute behavior, chances are he’ll revert to using the old misbehavior.

7. Require a good example. Behaviors are learned best by seeing it done right. So make sure your behaviors or examples you provide are ones that you want your kid to emulate. I call that the “Boomerang Effect”: What you throw out to your kid is like a boomerang that comes back to hit you in the face.

8. Demand practice. Behavior change requires practice. So practice, practice, practice the new behavior with your child until he can do the new behavior on his own.

9. Benefit from encouragement. Behavior change is hard and deserves to be encouraged, acknowledged and celebrated. Encourage every step along the way. In fact, the fastest way to change behavior is by acknowledging what your child did right so he’ll be more likely to do know what to do to act right.

10. Are never too late to change. Even if the problem has been going on a long time, don’t despair. It’s never too late to make positive changes happen. And if you don’t get results after 21 days, the bad behavior increases or spills over to other areas then please pick up the phone and get help from a trained professional.