Motherhood & mental health
Experts speak to the importance of mental health for mothers - especially BIPOC mothers - and provide resources available. We explore coping strategies for mothers, learn the integral role of mothers and more.
Transcript
[MUSIC PLAYING]
When we look at our history and we think about who really plays the ultimate role in the culture
of family, we're often going to be led to women and to mothers.
Mothers throughout the world are really our primary and first teachers, caretakers, leaders.
So anything that impacts them has ripple effects for the rest of us. At the core of all of my work is really
a celebration of the ways in which Black women have continued to create life, even when others
have tried to deny it to us. So this is why I think Black mothers are so powerful, is this ability to envision
and this ability to believe that we are more than what others are saying we are.
And it's powerful. The mental health of mothers and our consideration of that
is really critical in our understanding of what mothers really need.
We can think about our lack, for instance, of affordable childcare for all children
or our lack of a universal parental leave in the United States. All of these things are not only bad
for the mental health of mothers, it's also this ripple effect of how it's going to impact our national mental health,
our national physical health. And so we all need to start paying more attention to this. Really focusing on the mental health of mothers
will create these ripple effects and changes that I think could be really revolutionary. [MUSIC PLAYING]
I had no idea what I was in for.
If you are out there and dealing with fertility, baby, you are not alone. Fertility is not an older woman issue. It is an issue, period.
I was really, really struggling.
I suffered acutely from postpartum depression. And the biggest tragedy of all of this
was that I did not know that I had postpartum depression. I had moments of postpartum. I think it's very normal, though.
It's never too little to get help or to ask for help. You will be OK, you're not alone,
there's nothing wrong with you, and that you're loved, and I see you.
The most important thing that I would say about stuff no one talks about is there is no perfect parent and no perfect child.
So quit it. Stop trying to create these perfect beings. Stop trying to pretend you're perfect. It's not about not messing up your kids.
It's about growing and evolving and learning. Mental health is health care.
It's a part of you. It's really important for your physical health as well. So we want to normalize it.
There are a lot of factors that are involved with mental health-- external, personal-- that women literally face every day.
So you've said as a biracial black woman that you want to ensure that minority and BIPOC groups have equal access to mental health in particular.
Can you explain your approach? In terms of mental health and mental health disorders, the rates tend to be fairly equal across
racial and ethnic backgrounds. However, the access to services is not always as equal.
It can be much more difficult for the BIPOC population. And so just making sure that everyone, one, is considering
that they have these options available to them and that they do have this access. Sometimes in the BIPOC community,
that might not come to your mind as an option. It has been so stigmatized. And there's oftentimes that lack of resources
in terms of coverage. And so just putting that information out there that this is an option that could be available to you sometimes makes them go, oh, OK,
hadn't thought about it. Never thought of seeing a therapist. Or there's the opposite reaction of, no, I can't see a therapist.
What will my family think? What will my friends think? What will my neighbors think? There's all of this, all of these feelings that have to do with the stigma.
So one, we want to normalize it and just create those lines of access so that everyone can get the care that they need.
Do you think it's about destigmatizing a conversation that's already happening? Or do you think it's introducing a conversation that's
not happening enough in the first place? Where are we with this, do you think? Yeah, so through the pandemic, there's
been a tremendous amount of anxiety. And although people are seeking care, there are a lot that aren't. And what stops them is maybe they don't know who to talk to.
They don't want to be on drugs. They're embarrassed. And so it's really important that as a provider,
you bring that out in your patient and actually talk to them. So finding people you can send patients
to if you can't talk to them yourself, that's really important. Your mental health does affect and will affect--
it affects your period. It affects your headaches. It affects your physical body. And you just overall don't feel good.
It affects your sleep. You can increase your cholesterol, as we already know, with the lack of sleep.
It makes you cranky. It makes you nonproductive. So it is a broad spectrum. And all we have to do is have the conversation.
I try very hard to talk to them in depth. If I cannot do it while we have our session,
I'll call them back or I'll bring them back in. So sometimes I'll leave my office at 7 o'clock. But for me, it's well worth it because I
think it's the most important thing, the most important thing. [MUSIC PLAYING]
I always knew I wanted to be a parent. That is probably because I had good role models in it. There was nothing about me that ever
wondered if I wouldn't like it. I knew that I would.
My name is Nancy Bina. And I am the mom of Ellen Bina Koneck.
I am the one she just mentioned, Ellen Bina Koneck. And I am the daughter of Nancy Bina.
Something I've always seen in Mom that I felt as a child
that I've seen as she grandparents is this way that she's so genuinely interested in the life of a child
and the inner world of a child. And I have always also been fascinated by that. I always knew I would figure out the skill
part of raising children. But kids themselves are this wonderful, amazing group of people who I want to know everything that's going on
inside their little minds. That formed me for parenthood more than any something I read
or conversations I had, was this model from Mom in particular. Once I had a child, I was utterly, utterly amazed.
I just went, oh my gosh, why did no one ever tell me? They're the coolest. This is so astounding.
And watching things happen and watching, just watching that whole growth process,
whether it's emotional or mental or physical, is absolutely Earth shaking.
Nobody told me. It's great. It's like asking somebody to describe how cold the water is before you jump in.
And you can be standing on the dock for a really long time asking somebody to describe the experience of wetness
or coldness or hotness or sand under their toes. But until you jump in, you don't have any context for understanding what all of those--
what all of those descriptions are rooted in. The truth of the matter is there's fear,
there's heartache, there's devastation sometimes. Hang on to the people around you who can help you
through those things. But you don't have to do any of it by yourself. My brother passed away by suicide several years ago.
And it was not because he was unloved or that he doubted our love. It was because he was sick.
And that's that. And in a lot of ways, my motherhood is based on my mom's motherhood.
My model for motherhood is Nancy. And I saw that Nancy lost a child. And I lost my brother.
And that was never not part of my pregnancy. It's never not part of my mothering.
When I think of Louis, it breaks my heart. It always, always will break my heart.
But I think one thing that he understood from all of us
was that we absolutely loved him. And I remember having him captive in the car one time.
And I said, you know, Lou, I couldn't love you any more than I do. It would be impossible for me to love you any more than I do.
And he said, I know it. And so the love is everything.
It's all of it. And sometimes it's not enough. But that doesn't mean you stop.
That means you just keep doing it. And I will. I will. I love you guys so much.
I will never, ever stop. Love you, Mom. I love you. [MUSIC PLAYING]
womens health
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