8 signs of emotional balance and well-being

Emotional well-being is something all of us want, though we may not take time to think about it or work on it. That’s a big mistake, says therapist Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW, author of The Burnout Cure. Finding emotional balance can boost happiness, improve relationships, and support recovery from a mental health condition—and that’s not all, Hanks says. By reducing stress, it can also help relieve or lower the risk of physical ailments, including obesity, heart disease, and digestive issues. 

Can you tell when you and others are doing a good job of working on emotional well-being? Watch for these signs.

"Emotional well-being starts with becoming aware of your emotions," says Hanks. One sign of awareness is the ability to name what you're feeling. "Just identifying an unpleasant emotion can decrease its intensity," Hanks says. In contrast, if you know you feel out of sorts, but can’t pinpoint the emotion, that’s a warning sign.
 
Practice this skill: When you aren’t sure what you’re feeling, run through a mental checklist of basic emotions: happiness, surprise, disgust, fear, anger, and sadness. Use context and body cues (for instance, sweaty palms or clenched teeth) to help you figure out which ones you’re feeling. “It gets easier with practice,” Hanks says.

"It’s a myth that you should feel happy all the time," says Hanks. Instead, being emotionally healthy means experiencing all your emotions and then dealing with them in a positive way. People who are good at this skill know how to manage difficult feelings and may turn to others for support. In contrast, those who struggle with this skill often try to dull their feelings with food, alcohol, drugs, the TV remote, or other distractions or sensation-dampeners.
 
Practice this skill: "When you ask someone for support, be specific about what would feel comforting to you," Hanks advises. "For example, you might say, 'I’m so upset. Can I vent, and will you just tell me I’m a good person?'"

"Another sign of emotional health is being kind to yourself when you’re feeling distressed," says Hanks. Show yourself the same compassion you would give a loved one who is upset. In a 2014 study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, female college students who took part in a training program in self-compassion showed decreased brooding and increased optimism and self-confidence. A 2022 study published in the International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology also found that practicing self-compassion led to actual changes in brain-wave activity.
 
Practice this skill: When you need a hug but there’s no one to give you one, fold your arms and give yourself a little squeeze, suggests Hanks. "Or stroke your own arm soothingly," she says. "This produces the same kind of physiological response as getting comfort from someone else."

"Even an emotionally healthy person will feel hurt by rejection. That’s just the way we’re wired," says psychologist Guy Winch, PhD, author of Emotional First Aid. Someone with good emotional skills will take steps to ease the sting of rejection and rebuild self-esteem. In contrast, someone who is less emotionally adept may withdraw or become overly self-critical.
 
Practice this skill: When you’ve been rejected, Winch suggests reviving your self-esteem by making a list of five pertinent things that you value about yourself. For example, if you were turned down for a date, you can list five qualities that make you a good dating prospect.

"Emotionally healthy people can recognize when they’ve made a mistake, make it right and then move on," says Winch. When someone else points out the error, they accept it without becoming defensive or overwhelmed. In contrast, people who are less emotionally grounded may react with hostility or a flood of tears.
 
Practice this skill: If your misstep hurts someone, offer a complete, sincere apology. Research shows that the best apologies have four elements: They spell out your intent ("I want to apologize"), convey emotion ("I deeply regret what I did"), offer an explanation ("I wasn’t thinking") and accept fault ("I was out of line").

"Another sign of emotional well-being is being able to cope with stressful situations," says Winch. If you’re a good stress manager, you’ve probably found several calming techniques that work for you, such as counting to 10, taking deep breaths, calling a friend, or going for a walk. If you’re not as skilled at handling stress, out-of-control stress may lead to temper outbursts, trouble sleeping, headaches, an upset stomach, or other problems.
 
Practice this skill: When you’re feeling particularly wound-up, watch how you talk to yourself in your head, advises Winch. Cut out negative self-talk ("I can’t do this."). Replace it with realistically positive thoughts ("I’ll do the best I can.").

Mindfulness is more than just a buzzword, says Hanks. It’s a proven technique for reducing stress, decreasing hostility, improving relationships, and boosting enthusiasm. Simply put, mindfulness means being fully aware of your internal experience as it unfolds from moment to moment, with acceptance and without judgment, as noted in a 2020 review of the evidence linking mindfulness to behavior change in Harvard Review of Psychiatry. You notice sensations, feelings, and thoughts, but you don’t judge them or get hung up on them.
 
Practice this skill: When you need to reboot your mental focus, take a mindful stroll. Notice your breath going in and out, your muscles tensing and relaxing and your feet pushing against the ground. Be aware of all the sights, sounds, and smells around you.

"Ask yourself: 'Which activities bring me a lot of satisfaction and joy? Have I spent time doing those things lately? If not, how can I squeeze in more time for them?'" says Winch. Looking for ways to get the most enjoyment from life is another hallmark of emotional well-being. Ideally, you should spend some time every day on just-for-fun activities to provide yourself with a mental break from life’s daily stressors. Fun looks different for everyone—you could spend a day out in nature, or try some time unwinding with a warm bath.
 
Practice this skill: Winch suggests taking a day—or longer, if you can—to play tourist around your hometown. Do the kinds of things you like to do on vacation, such as going for a hike, visiting a museum, or taking photos of the landscape.