Sex and Relationships
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6 Expert-Approved Tips for Amazing Sex

Spice up your time in the sack with these foolproof secrets.

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By Olivia DeLong

Not only does sex feel good, regular time in the sack has major health benefits. To name a few, regular sex can lower your risk of heart disease, help minimize pain and help you sleep better.

If you know about the benefits, but still feel like you and your partner need a sexual makeover, listen up. Whether you just want to spice up the same old sexual habits you’ve always had or you’re just curious, we say, it’s never too late to try new things and get back into a sexual groove.

We talked to OBGYN Elizabeth Newell, MD, of Swedish Medical Center in Littleton, Colorado, for some of her best sex tips.   

Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay

2 / 7 Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay

When life is busy, foreplay is easy to skip during intimacy. We’re not suggesting you forgo spur-of-the-moment sexual encounters, but in general, most women need a little precursor to the main event. What’s more, you and your partner can bond and explore one another, says Dr. Newell.

Foreplay—touching, kissing, getting undressed, you know the drill—is important to women especially, because it helps them get lubricated. And proper lubrication makes for more enjoyable sex. (The wetter you are, the better it feels).

Next time you head to the bed—or to the couch or kitchen counter—remember to spend some time kissing, fondling or massaging. You may find that the extra attention heats things up when it comes time for intercourse.  

Communicate with your partner on a regular basis

3 / 7 Communicate with your partner on a regular basis

Whether you’re a super sexual couple or not, talking about your sex habits can feel a bit awkward if you’re not used to it. But really, it’s completely normal to let your partner know what you like and what you don’t.

“For men, it’s a lot easier to fulfill what they want out of sex. But for women, there are a hundred million working parts and those have to be perfectly aligned to achieve orgasm,” says Newell. What does this mean? That you should discuss what feels good to you with your significant other.

The best time to have a positive sexual conversation is right after intercourse, says Newell. Think about it: Your partner won’t have any idea unless you tell them how you’re feeling. “Things like ‘I really liked that position’ or ‘I’d like to try this next time,’ are good ways to break the ice. But start the conversation in a positive way. It’s always good to ask your partner what they like, too. “What was your favorite part about being intimate just now?” or “How can I make sex even better for you?” are some things that can get the conversation started. 

Remember that it’s not just about the bedroom

4 / 7 Remember that it’s not just about the bedroom

Keeping the fire alive goes beyond just sex. Showing affection and love throughout the day is important, too. “Some people get turned on by different things. For some, it’s physical affection and for others it’s seeing their husband vacuuming because it’s your least favorite chore,” says Newell. “And, sometimes your significant other proposing that you go on a date to focus on the two of you is sexy, too.”  

A simple “thank you” for cleaning up their side of the bedroom or a love note with “Have a good day” or “I love you” written on it are simple ways you can show your partner you’re thinking about them, too. And if you’re feeling adventurous, try sending them a sexy text during the day. 

Don’t be afraid to masturbate

5 / 7 Don’t be afraid to masturbate

How do you know what you like if you don’t experiment yourself? Insert: masturbation. That’s right, even if you’re in a relationship, masturbation can help you get to know your body.

“Very few women have vaginal orgasms, so they are going to need some kind of direct stimulation of the clitoris to have an orgasm,” says Newell. And in order to find what helps you achieve the “big O,” you may need to feel yourself. When you do try masturbation, make sure you’re relaxed and calm—candles and music can help you get in the mood (especially if you’re new to masturbation). Experiment with different lubes and toys until you find what you like. These days, there’s a vibrator for everyone! 

Once you figure out what feels good to you, you can share your findings with your partner. Things like “I really like that you did that, but when I do it on my own, this way is more comfortable,” will help them understand how to make things more satisfying next time around. And let’s face it—your partner may be turned on by the fact that you’re practicing on yourself.

Schedule it on a calendar—seriously

6 / 7 Schedule it on a calendar—seriously

This may seem silly, but we’re telling you, it will help you make sex a top priority.

“If partners actually talk it out, they’ll probably realize they are really busy,” says Newell. “If both people are working two jobs—which a lot of families are—it’s almost impossible to get together for a couple of hours unless it’s scheduled.” 

And one study even shows that having sex just once a week can help you feel more satisfied with your relationship and happier in general.

So, get out your planners, online calendars, dry erase boards or whatever you and your significant other use to keep track of family happenings, and schedule some time to get intimate, sans interruptions. Try heading out to dinner one night per week or just make a point to spend time together after the kids go to bed every Wednesday.

Remember, it doesn’t always have to be hours and hours—sometimes a few minutes is all you need, says Newell.

Make a sexual bucket list

7 / 7 Make a sexual bucket list

You probably have a travel bucket list, so why not make a list of your sexual fantasies, too?

At the beginning of every month you and your partner can create a list of things you’ve always wanted to try: a new location, a new lube, a different position or a role-playing scenario. You’ll look forward to the new, exciting deed and it’s likely you’ll find that spicing things up can make sex more satisfying. As a bonus, you’ll learn more about what your partner desires in the bedroom, too.

Not sure where to begin? Newell says there are a few phone apps that offer ideas for new positions and role-playing scenarios. Not only will they help you think of fresh things to try, some of them even have detailed how-to’s.