Personality

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• QWhy should I express my being as joyful play?

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  A Deepak Chopra , Alternative & Complementary Medicine, answered

  As long as the drama of good versus evil, pleasure versus pain,keeps its appeal, the purpose of life is struggle. Duality, beingborn of separation, exists as a stage set. Since the drama is sofull of richness, what do we do when it ends? Is all purpose lostwhen there's nothing more to win or lose? Many people are horrifiedat the prospect of giving up duality. As someone once candidly toldme, "Go back into the light? It sounds an awful lot like death tome!"
  
  The purpose of life after you escape duality is joyful play. Thishas always been the purpose. Your senses cannot tell that pain isjust another form of bliss - they think it is the opposite ofpleasure. But once you know yourself as spirit, play becomesdivine. The light knows that there is nothing but itself. So whyshould any aspect of itself be less than joyful? Unlike pleasure,bliss is an eternal feeling, born of the sheer enjoyment ofcreation with itself.
• QHow can I be less judgmental?

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  A Sheri Van Dijk , Psychiatry, answered

  

  Here are 10 tips for being nonjudgmental:
  

  1. Remember that being nonjudgmental isn't about turning a positive into a negative; it's about being neutral, neither positive nor negative.
  2. Reducing your negative judgments will reduce your level of anger and other painful emotions.
  3. Keep in mind that judging is like adding fuel to the fire of your emotion; it only increases your painful emotions.
  4. You can often reduce a behavior just by counting how often you're engaging in that behavior. If you get overwhelmed or discouraged by the thought of stopping your judging, start by counting your judgments first and then work your way toward changing them.
  5. Remember that being nonjudgmental will not only help you reduce your emotional pain, but will also have a positive impact on your relationships.
  6. We often respond to a situation as though our judgments were true rather than just labels we've stuck on something or someone.
  7. Remember the learning curve: at first, you'll notice your judgments only after you've made them. As you continue practicing, however, you'll notice them as you're making them -- before you say them out loud and as they form in your head -- until gradually, you'll find you're able to form nonjudgmental statements naturally before a judgment arises within you.
  8. As with any skill, being nonjudgmental will be more difficult when your emotions are high.
  9. Practice observing-your-thoughts exercises to help you become more aware of your judgments.
  10. Don't judge yourself for judging. It's human nature!

  

  Find out more about this book:

  Calming the Emotional Storm: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Manage Your Emotions and Balance Your Life
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• QWhat is the key to true transformation?

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  A William Stillman , Health Education, answered

  In my opinion and in my experience, the key to true transformation is when you’ve arrived at a point in your life in which you are willing and prepared for a self-examination that will illuminate every corner of your personhood with the truth. This will require you to confront, reconcile and absolve yourself of your way of being in the world and your mode of conduct in honoring the space that you occupy. Assess carefully and with clarity your past bad acts as well as that which you have contributed of value. Focus on a deliberate advancement in which you will demonstrate grace, charity, and humility in all you do and say, in every interaction; because everything matters. As a byproduct of your true transformation, you may inspire a ripple effect in others by rendering good and great service. Time is of the essence—never underestimate your potential to forever alter the course of someone’s life as a result of your new understanding and compassion.

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• QAs a nice girl, why do I need to balance my work and personal lives?

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  A Karen R Koenig , Psychology, answered

  Reaching a balance encourages you to throw yourself into goal-oriented tasks and feel good about accomplishments (which adds to a sense of competence and builds self-esteem) and allows you to turn off your motor and recharge your battery. No one can run on empty! Play and relaxation are not wrong or due to laziness or lack of motivation. They are natural and normal. If your motor is constantly running, what is it running from? Perhaps it’s your idealized view of yourself, what someone else would (or does) say about the evils of idle hands. An addiction to work, overscheduling, and busyness are unhealthy and add to stress. Balancing work and play gives you the best of both worlds.
• QHow can I learn to trust myself more?

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  A Karen R Koenig , Psychology, answered

  The way we learn to trust ourselves is to trust ourselves. I’m not being a wise guy, I swear. What I mean is that trust builds through experience. You learn from everything you do (or don’t do). You did it right, you did it wrong - doesn’t matter because whatever happened adds another page to the history of what you know about yourself and how to live. Of course, you have to stay focused on what’s going on inside you and reflect on your behavior to get smart and gain self-trust. You can’t keep your radar on only sometimes, then turn it off when you feel like it. Like that video camera, it has to keep running 24/7. By staying in touch with your emotions, including your longings, fears, and reactions, you know exactly where you are in situations and relationships. You’re like a computer, always integrating new information into programs to keep up to date. Trust comes from being well informed, which means being open to information - whether it comes from within or without - not from burying your head (or heart) in the sand and certainly not from salving your wounds with food.

  Mostly trust comes from analyzing actions and consequences. You can’t regularly ask other people if you did okay, whether you were right, or how they think things went and expect to develop self-trust. When clients ask me what I think, I often tell them that when I analyze things I build my character, but when they analyze themselves they build theirs. Nice girls are often very, very unsure of themselves. Are you? Being a second-guesser, you ask other people (who usually don’t have the psychological savvy to turn the question back to you) what they think, further undermining your own views. And round and round you go until you don’t know which end is up.

  In order to develop self-trust, you have to take a hiatus from asking people their opinion about things you do and say. Taking a break doesn’t mean you can’t resume after a while and balance out others’ opinions with yours. But you’ve got to get out there and use your own noodle for a while to teach yourself you’re fully capable of deciding for yourself your worth and value, whichever way the coin flips. Sometimes you’ll be thrilled to discover that you’re a pretty good egg after all; other times, you’ll be disappointed that you let yourself down. Either way, the learning is yours and no one can take that away.

• QWhere do negative emotions get there power?

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  A Deepak Chopra , Alternative & Complementary Medicine, answered

  Negative emotions feed off certain aspects of the shadow -- a hidden place where we all repress things we feel guilty about or ashamed of.
  
  The shadow is dark. Everyone has a shadow because of the natural contrast between darkness and the light.
  
  The shadow is secret. We store impulses and feelings there that we wish to keep private.
  
  The shadow is dangerous. Repressed feelings have the power to convince us that they can kill us or make us go insane.
  
  The shadow is shrouded in myth. For generations, people have seenit as the lair of dragons and monsters.
  
  The shadow is irrational. Its impulses fight against reason; theyare explosive and totally willful.
  
  The shadow is primitive. It's beneath the dignity of a civilized person to explore this domain, which reeks of the smell of the charnel house, the prison, the lunatic asylum, and a public lavatory.
  
  Negativity assumes its overwhelming power from the fact that it feeds off all these qualities at once: A secret, dark, primitive, irrational, dangerous, mythical evil is much less convincing if you break it down into one quality at a time. But this process of bringing evil down to scale won't be convincing until you apply it to yourself.

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• QIs it part of being a nice girl that I avoid arguments?

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  A Karen R Koenig , Psychology, answered

  Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Reflecting before speaking, holding your tongue, being a good listener, and speaking kindly whenever you can make for excellent communication. However, these verbal skills are only half of what you need in the game of life. The other half is to break a silence and speak up, draw your words from authentic feeling, take care of yourself through what you say even if it hurts someone else’s feelings, and use your voice to enhance your life. You already have a terrific set of skills and now need to add another set in order to be complete and in balance. The good news is that these skills are absolutely learnable; the bad news is that you will be extremely uncomfortable developing them. Sorry, there’s no other way, so stop thinking about how hard it is to change and gather your courage, optimism, and determination.

• QWhat is pessimism?

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  A Dr. Kathleen Hall , Preventive Medicine, answered

  

  Pessimism is always living as if the cup is half empty, not half full. Most events in your life are neutral, like driving your car or getting the mail from your mailbox, but it is your attitude that will define your experience. Pessimism is definitely a poison to the roots of true happiness. It is important to realize we now have research on the healthy effects of optimism. Optimists are healthier, have more fun, and live longer than negative individuals. It's your life. You choose.

  

  Find out more about this book:

  A Life in Balance: Nourishing the Four Roots of True Happiness
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• QWhat strengths are linked to happiness in positive psychology?

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  A Dr. Ronald Siegel , Psychology, answered

  In positive psychology, strengths are built-in capacities for certain thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Certain strengths have been found to be the most closely linked to happiness (feelings of contentment or joy; the overall experience of pleasure, well-being, and meaning in life). They are gratitude, hope, vitality, curiosity, and love. These strengths are so important that they're worth cultivating and applying in your daily life, whether or not they come naturally to you.
• QWhat is anxiety sensitivity?

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  A Dr. Michael J. Mufson, MD , Psychiatry, answered

  Anxiety sensitivity is a personality trait that increases the risk for anxiety disorders, particularly panic disorder. Anxiety sensitivity is a tendency to misinterpret the sensations that accompany anxiety -- irregular breathing, heart palpitations, trembling, flushing, sweating, stomach rumbling -- as indications of imminent physical danger or serious illness ("I'm going to have a heart attack" or "I'm going to faint"), loss of control ("I can't concentrate -- I'm going crazy"), or humiliating social rejection ("Everyone will notice that I'm trembling"). Anxiety sensitivity can show up in children as young as age 6. It can be innate or learned through observation or misinformation. For example, anxiety sensitivity could arise from a parent telling a child that too fast a heartbeat could be fatal.