Emotional Intelligence

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• QWhat is emotional intelligence?

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  A Dr. Michael Roizen, MD , Internal Medicine, answered

  Although the standard test of brain strength is an IQ test—which measures things like math, logic, and verbal skills—there's also such a thing as emotional intelligence. More and more people believe your emotional intelligence—that is, your ability to relate and interact with others—is just as important for your overall brain health.

  It's important to realize we all have unique brains that shouldn't be judged by one set of standards. Even folks who are mentally retarded as judged by IQ can have (or cause others to have) remarkable insights.

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• QHow can emotional intelligence be used as a problem-solving tool?

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  A Dr. Michael Roizen, MD , Internal Medicine, answered

  These four steps will allow you to use emotional intelligence as a problem solving tool:
  (1) Identify your Emotions: This skill allows you to identify what you're feeling and determine whether what you're feeling is something real, or something phonier than a four-dollar bill. Let's say you're jealous over someone else's success. Ask yourself if you're truly jealous, or maybe upset that you haven't achieved what you wanted to.
  (2) Facilitate your Emotions: This skill allows you to use all the multiple emotions you may be feeling and use those mood swings to think about different points of view (which can help you solve problems). In my jealousy example, you'd now be able to identify your obstacles and figure out ways around them, rather than letting jealousy get you off-track.
  (3) Understand your Emotions: This is the ability for you to understand that emotions aren't as black and white as salt and pepper, but that we all experience complex chains of emotions that transition from one to the other. We can learn to play to emotions of others, be they bosses, coworkers, or customers. Controlling your emotions and helping others use their emotions can make you feel more in control.
  (4) Manage your Emotions: This skill doesn't mean that you're able to hide your crying until you get to the restroom, but rather it lets you determine whether the emotion is typical and gives you the ability to solve problems that are emotionally based, and use your rational self to manage emotions. Next time you're feeling jealous, for example, you'll be able to harness that emotion more quickly and better manage your feelings and subsequent behaviors.
  Once you establish this foundation of control over your stressors, then you're better equipped to tackle the problems more specifically.

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• QWhat is the real value of networking?

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  A Dr. Michael Roizen, MD , Internal Medicine, answered

  More than half of people who get jobs do it through personal connection (not necessarily friends, but acquaintances as well). Don't think you have too many connections? Wrong. The theory of six degrees of separation is really true. You're not networking to use people, but to create a network of people who can support you - some may support you emotionally as you go through tough times at work, while others may be the needed contact who will help you get a foot in the door. Ask yourself who the people are that you need to know (role models, competitors), and go out and meet them. They'll help you fulfill your dream, so why leave it to chance?

• QHow can social factors affect my emotional well-being?

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  A Boston Women's Health Book Collective , Administration, answered

  As we go through the menopause transition, we may work as individuals and in groups to change what we can, whether it is the outside circumstances that are contributing to stress in our lives or our own reactions to those circumstances. Coping skills and stress management techniques can help us manage the stress of our demanding day-to-day lives, but they alone cannot alleviate known health predictors such as poverty, homelessness, racism, and other oppressive conditions. For that, we need to work together for social change and justice.

• QWhat is flow?

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  A Dr. Edward Phillips , Physical Therapy, answered

  Ever been so immersed in what you were doing that distractions and background chatter just fell away? Nothing existed except the shush of your skis on the snow, the sensation of your car sweeping around bends in the road, the images cast by the book you had your nose in, or the satisfying sense of pieces clicking into place as you worked through a challenging task. Dubbed "flow" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, director of the Quality of Life Research Center at Claremont Graduate University, this state of being feels effortless, yet active. You lose awareness of time, you cease to think about yourself or feel distracted by extraneous thoughts. You may be working toward a goal—earning a graduate degree or winning a chess tournament—yet that isn't your primary motivation. Rather, you find the activity itself rewarding. Researchers have found flow hinges on a balance between the size of a challenge and the level of your skill. Watching TV, for example, isn't likely to spark a sense of flow even though you may find it relaxing.

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• QHow can I avoid spending time with hurtful people?

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  A Karen R Koenig , Psychology, answered

  This is tough but essential to self-care. Here’s a bulletin that may astound you: You are not obligated to be around anyone who is regularly not as nice to you as you are to him or her. That includes folks who invalidate, belittle, and ignore your feelings, are purposefully hurtful, don’t care how you feel, and are neglectful or abusive. I don’t care who these people are, you want to stay as far away from them as possible. Stop feeling sorry for them and realize that they push people away and it’s their own fault. Obviously, you can’t always avoid certain people - a boss, parent, relative, or neighbor. But you don’t have to court their company either. Limit contact with people who detract from your life, whether they like it or not.

• QIn what forms can isolation come in our lives?

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  A Kathy Sowder , Psychology, answered on behalf of TherapyLiveCare

  Isolation is more than just spending time alone. It is more about spending more time alone than you want to, and feeling alone, lonely,  and uncared for, even leading to feeling sorry for ones` self. It is about being out of balance emotionally and spiritually. If you feel these feelings often, there are many things that can be helpful. Some of these include taking a class, starting back to church or joining a study group, getting a pet, exercising with a neighbor or friend, reaching out to family and friends with offers of help or invitations, and thinking more positively about yourself. Doing some of these things may help you feel less isolated from God, your own feelings, and your family and friends.
• QHow can I make my relationships freer and less manipulative?

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  A Yogi Cameron Alborzian , Alternative & Complementary Medicine, answered

  It is very common for us to find ourselves in relationships that seem to thrive on (or at least feature) manipulation and other unappealing qualities. The Yogic path teaches us that the relationships we have that are a source of struggle and conflict are ultimately not an accident--that each person who challenges us in some way is here for a reason. Somehow, this person can help us to find our purpose.

  If you find that your relationships are with seemingly manipulative people, then consider what it is about your life that might have attracted such a dynamic. If a manipulative person is here in your life, why might that be so? Are they here to teach you how you must embody more straightforward qualities in your own life? Are they here to show you the value of the relationships you have that don't embody these qualities?  

  Regardless, when you begin the process of investigating the significance of these dynamics, you will start to crave experiences that serve you better on the whole. When you set an intention to live a life filled with people who have the potential to enrich your life, and feel that you may enrich theirs in turn, you will find the very freedom you seek.

• QWhat can we learn from people who made us feel happy or sad?

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  A Dr. Jacob Teitelbaum , Integrative Medicine, answered

  Take a moment to think back to those people you knew who were joyful, even if simply for short periods.  What was it about them and their teachings that left you feeling happy and excited?

   

  Now think back to those who taught you things that left you feeling bad, either about yourself, your life, or about others.  Amazingly, we can learn from both.  Those things that left us feeling good gave us leads to rediscover our joy and the innocent laughter and smiles we felt as a child.  Those things that felt bad can also be great teachers.  They help us learn who we are not or would choose not to be.  And we do have a choice.  God, The Universe, Nature (or whichever of the myriad names we use) has lovingly given us full freedom to express and be whoever and whatever we choose.  Do you choose to be a joyful uplifter or a morbid person who holds yourself and others down?  Either way is okay.  Many new spiritual teachings suggest that there are no hard and fast rules.  Looking at life from a broader perspective also suggests that there is no absolute “right and wrong”—simply different perspectives.  Total freedom is our true nature.

   

• QWhat are social emotions?

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  A Dr. William B. Salt, MD , Gastroenterology, answered

  Social emotions emerge from your emotion mind/brain system and are usually more complex than the somewhat linear expressions of primary emotion, such as fear or anger. The integration of primary emotions into social emotions, such as confidence, trust, loyalty, jealousy, and shame, is a multifaceted process. Given its intriguing complexities, interest in the impact of emotion is on the upswing.
  
  A pioneer in the study of social emotions is Northeastern University’s Dr. David DeSteno. He stresses that our complex social emotions are a byproduct of forces of which we may not be consciously aware. On his website he writes, “In Out of Character [the book], we attempt to turn the prevailing wisdom upside down by showing that character, nobility, and goodness are all shaped to a high degree by forces outside of our awareness.”
  
  Whether or not you agree with Dr. DeSteno, what is important for you to see is how profoundly emotion impacts your decision making and health. The point is that emotions play a role in both how and why you are healthy or symptomatic.