What Should I Do If My Partner Wants Sex More Often Than I Do?

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A common question couples come in to talk to me about is mismatched libidos, in which one person wants sex four times a week and the other one is happy just to have it once a week, and they both command pointing a finger at the other, and saying he's wrong tell him he's wrong or she's wrong like what her deal, we used to have sex all the time, and now it's once a week, and what I tell couples is this is after the first 18 months or two years of a relationship where it's hot and it's new, and you don't think about sex you just have it all the time, it's a different transition when you get into a long term relationship, and what couples have to do then is to start negotiating, and they have to come up with a compromise, and what a compromise means is that neither person is going to get all of what they want, and so if you have one partner who says I want sex five times a week, and you have another partner that says I want it once a week.

You're going to have to find a number in the middle, and you're going to have to make efforts to create that time. So you have to practice what you preach, if you commit to doing, having some sort of sex or intimate times with your spouse three times a week. You really are going to have to look at the calender to figure out where it's going to happen, when is it going to happen, and make it happen.

It's a commitment to your marriage, it's a commitment to your relationship. So it's not rocket science but it is something that you actually have to negotiate, and you really have to get out of the blame game. Because that really doesn't help.