Dr. Judi Hollis - Argument disease

Read Transcript

Hi, this is Dr. Judi Hollis and thank you for your question about arguing with your husband about whether you do or don't have a disease. Quite common, not just your husband but even people in the treatment field and even medical professionals, I'm often in a place of argument with them.

You know my [xx] model is USC and when I first got into my first own recovery I went back to USC to give lectures to the graduate students about the new work that I was doing. And most of them said to me, "but you know you've watched your weight now, you're thin why do you keep telling yourself you have a disease isn't that a negative message?" Aren't we supposed to think positive and what you say is what you attract, you know like the secrets solution, never say things like these.

Well, I'm sorry the reality is no matter how much I keep my weight down it's a lot of hardwork, number one and number two, I always have the tendency to go back. My top weight is still out there waiting for me and it doesn't matter if I'm looking good right now, I've looked good many times and regained thousands of pounds.

So the thing that you want to say to your husband is, "You know what, this way of thinking is working for me. Why won't you allow this to work for me?". What I would say talking to medical groups is I would say, "Look there's nothing iatrogenic about this. What does iatrogenic mean? It means a negative effect caused by the treatment.

In other words like sometimes in surgery a doctor leaves a sponge in or we have an infection, these are iatrogenic sequelae. They are symptoms that follow the healthful work that was done for the person. Well, if you treat a person and you treat yourself by saying I have an illness I've tried my best and it's brought me to this place, I'm going to need lifelong health to solve this problem, well what are the negative effects of that? How bad is it to say that? The only negative effect there might be is it might shake up some relationships which is why I wrote the book, "Fat is a Family Affair" because we saw that relationships changed in recovery.

We saw in alcoholism that more couples broke up in recovery than broke up during all of the early stages of the alcoholism. Because people could not stand to live a good life with a person who felt good about themselves. That we had all kind of colluded in keeping this over eater feeling bad about herself.

So if you can just answer your husband with, "Sweetheart, I appreciate what you have to say, but this is working for me today, and I'd like to give it a try"..