How Can I Stay On the Right Track If I Am Obese?

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So what do you think Collin? I think as usual I had stuffed it down for a while leaving after that show knowing that there was, [xx] tissue. Well supplied now. Thank you, you must have seen me coming. I think leading up to that when all of this started I said to Derek I said this is my opportunity to fix what's broken and part of what's broken in me is what you did.

I know you think I just tap him on the wrist. I know. For something that really hurt you deeply, broke your heart but this show is not about Derek. I know. The show's about healing you. I realize that now. It's always been about healing you. So what happens when you got home? Out of that anger, how did that frustration, that conflict, the irritation at me affect your programme? It didn't even take till I got home.

By the time after we were done at the hotel that night, we'd had had dinner, didn't stop me from ordering pizza, didn't stop me from the gift shop and buying candy. You broke your diet? Oh yeah, of course I did, I couldn't handle what I was feeling. I couldn't handle any of it. I was completely consumed with just grief, and frustration, and anger and fatness and I couldn't take it and I did the one thing that I knew would make me feel better because at that point I felt hopeless.

I felt that there was nothing that could make it better and I did the one thing I knew how to do and I did it for eight days. For eight days? The part about that, you did what everyone does, I'm I saying this right? Have I heard the story before? Have we all heard the story from our friends and our own lives if we're honest with ourselves? It doesn't bother me that you fell off the wagon.

Bothers me. It doesn't, I don't care how you fall I care how you get back again. So I'm disappointed. I'll admit that, 8 days is a long time to lie on the ground. You know I can push one of those buttons and say Pauline can't get up, but tell me about how you got up again. The job interview that Derek went to we were leaving that day and I'd forgotten that they were cleaning the parking lot at my apartment complex and he'd had to park far away, Derek would have had to put together my whole scooter and I would have to ride it to the car and we were already running behind, and I said no I'm just going to walk.

And then I walked all the way to the car, I stopped once, caught my breath, finished walking, and it was far and after I got in the car I said, wow! look what my body can do, I was shocked because I walked further but I think Derick has probably ever seen me walk in the five years we've been together.

And I was so proud of myself and that one little victory was all I needed to say, you know what? If I can do this now, imagine what I can do 50 pounds from now, or 100 pounds from now or five 500 pounds from now. I love it, that's exactly, you can't control everything around you, you can't control Derek, you can't control me unfortunately although my wife tries to do that, that's just where it gets.

You just can't control life, you can control you, how you deal with life. This whole process is like unpeeling an onion, you take it out so lay it out, which was there and it's infidelity and you're built to do anger and there's still stuff under there, we're going to peel that away, but I want to see what difference we made your life because we started doing this together to make you healthier.

So, when we come back we'll give you trip to figure that out, you want to do that? Yes. Alright we'll be right back everybody.