Life is never perfectly in balance. Well, maybe for a nanosecond, but not much longer. Something always comes up to throw us off course, but that’s okay. Because life isn’t static, our job is to keep adjusting as it moves us along. When it moves us to the right, we need to compensate and come back
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Karen R Koenig answered:Is there a link between stuffing my feelings and overeating?
Need you ask? Of course there’s a link and an important one. I said in the beginning of chapter 7 of the book Nice Girls Finish Fat that there are two reasons to open your mouth - to eat and to speak. Well, you’re having a bit of a problem keeping them straight. We might say that you overeat because
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Karen R Koenig answered:
How can I avoid spending time with hurtful people?
This is tough but essential to self-care. Here’s a bulletin that may astound you: You are not obligated to be around anyone who is regularly not as nice to you as you are to him or her. That includes folks who invalidate, belittle, and ignore your feelings, are purposefully hurtful, don’t care how you feel, and are neglectful
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Karen R Koenig answered:
Is it part of being a nice girl that I avoid arguments?
Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Reflecting before speaking, holding your tongue, being a good listener, and speaking kindly whenever you can make for excellent communication. However, these verbal skills are only half of what you need in the game of life. The other half is to break a silence and
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Karen R Koenig answered:
As a nice girl, why do I feel I am not worthy of speaking up?
It’s hard to voice true feelings and advocate for yourself when you don’t believe you’re of much value. People who feel like second-class citizens tend to accept whatever they get and avoid reaching out for more. Maybe you’re convinced that you deserve to have people mistreat you or that your destiny is to spend your
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Karen R Koenig answered:
How did my upbringing turn me into a perfectionist?
Our upbringing is a major factor in determining whether or not we turn into perfectionists. As with psychiatric and substance disorders, perfectionism tends to run in families. If you have one parent who’s a perfectionist and one who isn’t, you have a fighting chance. If both parents are so inclined, I
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Karen R Koenig answered:
How does religion help in shaping me to become nice and perfect?
Religion encourages us to have only pure thoughts and do only good deeds. Need I remind you of the Ten Commandments? I personally think there needs to be an expanded set of commandments that are not quite so dictatorial and encourage us to think critically for ourselves and stay in balance. Yes, working
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Karen R Koenig answered:
How do I develop self-care strategies?
Developing self-care strategies is not a one-size-fits all matter. Mostly it’s trial and error and figuring out what works for you. I love to read, but occasionally when I’m antsy, TV lulls me into la-la land better than any book ever could. I exercise regularly, but it’s not an activity I’d seek out when I’m upset. Gen
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Karen R Koenig answered:
Should I change my behavior in order to stop being too nice at work?
A word here about consequences of changing behavior at work versus with friends or family. Because you’re paid for what you do, you do have to be a wee bit cautious about how you approach de-nicing yourself. Your employers are not like your friends or family - if your brother doesn’t speak to you for a year, so what; if you lose
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Karen R Koenig answered:
How can I form new friendships?
It may seem as if friendships simply erupt out of the blue, but the fact is that every communication toward a person either brings you closer to or farther away from him or her. If each time you greet your new neighbor she says hello back, you’ve got a good chance of developing camaraderie - you tell her about
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Karen R Koenig answered:
How can I develop quality friendships?
Many women don’t know how to go out and pick friends and end up sliding into relationships with whoever’s available - your next-door neighbor who’s always begging you to go out for a drink but ignores you once you get to a club; your colleague who can’t wait to tell you the latest gossip about everyone else in
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Karen R Koenig answered:
How can I build healthy friendships?
For healthy friendships, the goal is not to eradicate differences but to resolve or live with them. How you do this is key. Friends should care that they upset you (of course, you have to tell them first, now, don’t you?) and try their hardest not to offend. They should show as much interest in you
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Karen R Koenig answered:
What is a healthy friendship?
A healthy friendship is like any other relationship, encouraging you to flourish and making you feel better and better about knowing the other person. Yes, yes, yes, there are times when you will wonder what you’re doing being friends with someone: She’s sooooo picky about restaurants, his indecisiveness drives you up a
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Karen R Koenig answered:
How can I make good friends at my workplace?
Making friends at work means being on the lookout for your kind of person and then thinking in terms of a probationary period when potential chums need to prove themselves worthy of you. You do not have to scrutinize and analyze their every move. However, you have to keep your eyes wide open to red...Read More -
Karen R Koenig answered:
Why do some women make friends more easily compared to others?
Friends, like family, can make you feel as if you’re the luckiest gal in the world - or they can be one more category of animate objects to care for. Actually, unlike family, where fortune plays a major role in whom we end up with, having solid, supportive, there-for-you-anytime friends is hardly a matter of luck because we get to choose
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