Karen R. Koenig is a cognitive-behavioral therapist and author of three books on eating and weight. A national speaker, she regularly teaches workshops on eating to groups around the country. She lives in Sarasota, Florida.
There are a few ways you can get yourself into trouble here. First, by not having enough companions and confidants, food becomes your best buddy. Instead of calling on Connie, Alicia, Steve, or Shana to help you sort out a mess you got yourself into or to pull you up and out of the doldrums you’ve..
Things go awry when you find yourself doing more and more (and your friend doing less and less) and going overboard in the care department. You may be confused by why you’re not feeling the same way you used to and find yourself starting to resent her (your friend). So you redouble your efforts....
Life is never perfectly in balance. Well, maybe for a nanosecond, but not much longer. Something always comes up to throw us off course, but that’s okay. Because life isn’t static, our job is to keep adjusting as it moves us along. When it moves us to the right, we need to compensate and come back..
Need you ask? Of course there’s a link and an important one. I said in the beginning of chapter 7 of the book Nice Girls Finish Fat that there are two reasons to open your mouth - to eat and to speak. Well, you’re having a bit of a problem keeping them straight. We might say that you overeat because
This is tough but essential to self-care. Here’s a bulletin that may astound you: You are not obligated to be around anyone who is regularly not as nice to you as you are to him or her. That includes folks who invalidate, belittle, and ignore your feelings, are purposefully hurtful, don’t care how..
Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Reflecting before speaking, holding your tongue, being a good listener, and speaking kindly whenever you can make for excellent communication. However, these verbal skills are only half of what you need in the game of life. The other half is to break a..
It’s hard to voice true feelings and advocate for yourself when you don’t believe you’re of much value. People who feel like second-class citizens tend to accept whatever they get and avoid reaching out for more. Maybe you’re convinced that you deserve to have people mistreat you or that your destin
Our upbringing is a major factor in determining whether or not we turn into perfectionists. As with psychiatric and substance disorders, perfectionism tends to run in families. If you have one parent who’s a perfectionist and one who isn’t, you have a fighting chance. If both parents are so inclined
Religion encourages us to have only pure thoughts and do only good deeds. Need I remind you of the Ten Commandments? I personally think there needs to be an expanded set of commandments that are not quite so dictatorial and encourage us to think critically for ourselves and stay in balance. Yes,...
Developing self-care strategies is not a one-size-fits all matter. Mostly it’s trial and error and figuring out what works for you. I love to read, but occasionally when I’m antsy, TV lulls me into la-la land better than any book ever could. I exercise regularly, but it’s not an activity I’d seek...
A word here about consequences of changing behavior at work versus with friends or family. Because you’re paid for what you do, you do have to be a wee bit cautious about how you approach de-nicing yourself. Your employers are not like your friends or family - if your brother doesn’t speak to you...
It may seem as if friendships simply erupt out of the blue, but the fact is that every communication toward a person either brings you closer to or farther away from him or her. If each time you greet your new neighbor she says hello back, you’ve got a good chance of developing camaraderie - you...
Many women don’t know how to go out and pick friends and end up sliding into relationships with whoever’s available - your next-door neighbor who’s always begging you to go out for a drink but ignores you once you get to a club; your colleague who can’t wait to tell you the latest gossip about every
For healthy friendships, the goal is not to eradicate differences but to resolve or live with them. How you do this is key. Friends should care that they upset you (of course, you have to tell them first, now, don’t you?) and try their hardest not to offend. They should show as much interest in...
A healthy friendship is like any other relationship, encouraging you to flourish and making you feel better and better about knowing the other person. Yes, yes, yes, there are times when you will wonder what you’re doing being friends with someone: She’s sooooo picky about restaurants, his indeci...
