Episode 8: Stepping out of unhelpful habits
In episode 8 of “Small Changes, Big Results” we talk about getting rid out of those unhelpful habits that are no longer serving us. Experts discuss how to break habit loops, celebrate your small successes, and reward yourself for progress.
Transcript
[MUSIC PLAYING]
We've talked a lot about adding in the good stuff-- you know, better food, better movement, relationships, et cetera. But what are your thoughts and suggestions
about removing some of the bad habits we might have? I'm a big fan of small victories
create long term habits. I think it's really important for us to celebrate those wins, those moments when we're
able to do the subtle changes-- going to bed 30 minutes early, turning a 5 minute meditation
practice into a 7 minute meditation practice, being able to connect with our friends and our family,
making time for ourselves and self-care. I think oftentimes we want big results
in a short amount of time. And I think we need to really change-- we need to really change our perspective
and focus on the small victories. Cigarettes, alcohol, hoarding, overspending, I mean,
there's a lot of ways we can overdo things. And what was an OK habit actually might turn into something negative.
So how does that look on people? Is it different for everyone? Is it the same? First thing I want you to do when you're in this place
is to have a lot of compassion. The first part of compassion is understanding how you got to this place. And we have a society that is pleasure deprived, and rewards
depriving yourself of this and then overindulging into things. And so it makes sense that this has
happened in a lot of our habits, as well. And so I want you to have compassion. But then part of compassion is having action.
So the second part of this is that you're going to do something about it. If you have the awareness that this is something that isn't right for you, that isn't healthy,
isn't supporting what you need and want, then I want you to look into that place of where can I make these changes.
And it's not just-- if you remove a habit, it is not going to magically turn into something beautiful and wonderful.
You have to fill it with something that's positive and wonderful. So do both parts of that. Make sure you have the plan that is going to reward you
for changing that pattern. Because you're doing it. Even though it's not healthy for you, it's giving you something, even if it's just a quick effect,
a quick dopamine. And it's either helping you feel something that your day to day life isn't helping you feel, or is helping
you avoid something. And I want you to look at those two patterns also.
When we step out of these habit loops, we can start to break free of those cycles.
When we get stuck in a bad habit, whether it's shopping or biting our nails or procrastinating
or stress eating or anything, our brains get stuck in these loops, these habit loops. And these can turn into autopilot, where we're not even
noticing that we're habitually doing these things. So as a neuroscientist, I started following the neuroscience to see
how we could develop programs that were specifically aimed at helping people break these cycles. And it turns out that there's one simple ingredient, which
is awareness. When we become aware of what we're doing, it helps us update that reward value in our brain
so that if it's helpful, if it's rewarding, like being kind to other people, we do it more. And if it's not so helpful and it's not that rewarding,
for example, smoking a cigarette and really paying attention and seeing that a cigarette tastes like crap, it's much easier to break that habit.
As we explore stepping out of bad habits, one thing that's really helpful to keep in mind is to be kind to ourselves.
We often judge ourselves or beat ourselves up when we try to force ourselves to break a bad habit. But remember, willpower is more myth than muscle.
And also, we can get in the bad habit of judging or beating ourselves up. So here, keep in mind, what does it feel
like when we beat ourselves up? What does it feel like when we judge ourselves? And tap into the power of kindness.
What feels better-- when we beat ourselves up, or when we're kind to ourselves? So give yourself a break as you go through this process.
Bring in kindness as a way to support you wherever you are on your journey.
We need to think about the space that triggers or that excites us to do those kinds of actions, and not just cut it out, but replace them
with something else. When we're trying to get rid of bad habits, it can be really difficult for us
because sometimes the strategies that we use might not be the most effective. Don't smoke. Don't get a cigarette. Don't do this.
Don't do that. Don't do that. As I say that word don't, just get stuck in your head. That can be the glue that puts it in there
and puts that temptation as a continual reminder. The saying, don't, might be the whole reason
that we actually do. So if we want to stop the temptation, what we might do instead is to allow ourselves
to enjoy it just a little bit. Continuing to say, no, you can't have this, don't do that might be an impossible task for ourselves
that we are just going to fall off the band wagon trying to maintain. We can stave off that urge by succumbing just a small amount
and actually be able to, in the long run, do it less if we give in just a little bit on occasion.
Our environments are a big trigger for the choices that we make. So if we're trying to cut something out of our daily repertoire, we also need to change our environment.
If we oftentimes take smoke breaks around the corner with the same group of people, not only should we avoid that corner, not only should we
keep the cigarettes at home or even out of the house, but we also need to replace that environment. We need to choose a new environment,
and we need to choose to fill that environment with other people that are going to support our alternative choice that we're making.
When we want to quit something, it can be challenging because it might feel overwhelming. The rest of my life I have to make this choice.
For the rest of my life I have to quit this thing. That's a long term goal of continually,
effortfully deciding not to do something. So we need to break it down. We need to take it one day at a time.
After we've done this for today, for tomorrow, for Wednesday, or Thursday, for Friday, we can reflect on our experience.
Now, if we're thinking, all right, I've gotten through a week and now I have the next 50 years of my life to continue to make this hard choice, that's going
to make it feel overwhelming. Instead, look back. Reflect on the past and all of the days that we have counted up, that we have made that hard and healthy
choice, and that will motivate us to continue to do it moving forward.
Nobody lets go of anything-- any bad behavior, any bad habits-- without reaching for something else.
We can't just stop doing something. We have to do something different, instead.
That is the key to breaking bad habits, is to replace them with a healthier choice that
gets you to the same goal that the bad habit was serving. And it really starts with understanding whatever
it is you're trying to stop doing-- eating too much, drinking too much, smoking. All habits have a good intention.
What is it that I'm trying to get to here? And then, what is a better way for me to achieve that goal?
Clutter, in many ways, is a habit, right, like not putting things away, or kind of leaving things
in a really messy state. There's a few ways to kind of break the habit of piling and cluttering and not
maintaining a space. One of them is a mindset shift, which is putting things away immediately,
but stop thinking of it as putting it away. Think of it as setting things up for their next use.
It's a gift to yourself, that when you go looking for that t-shirt or the colander,
it's going to be exactly where it belongs. You open up the closet, you open up the drawer, and voila, it's there.
It's like a time gift to yourself. And then also with clients what we will often do
is create one small space in their home that is an oasis of order--
just the bookshelf, just your sock drawer, just the utensils drawer in the kitchen, maybe just
your fridge. If you just do one oasis of order and don't try to do it all at once, you would feel such a victory that you
have conquered that space and it is a nourishment for you. So those are ways to break a habit through mindset
and very small concrete steps. I think of curiosity as a superpower.
That curiosity can help us start to step out of these old habitual patterns in a simple way.
So let's walk into curiosity together.
Our research has found that for breaking free of any habit, awareness needs a friend. And that friend is this attitude of curiosity.
Curiosity is really about identifying when we're stuck in an old habit, and that tends to come with this inner voice of oh no, oh no,
here it goes again. Oh no, I'm worrying. Oh no, here comes a craving. And so identifying that, and instead
of running away from it, here the obstacle becomes the way. Instead of running away from a craving or caving to a craving,
we can simply recognize, oh, here's a craving. And we can drop into our body and get really curious.
Oh, what does this feel like in my body? So we can do this together now.
Oh. Even just recalling the last time we had a craving for something, that urge to check our phone,
that urge to eat that food when we're not hungry, whatever that urge is.
What do urges feel like? So just exploring, what does that feel like in my body?
What does it feel like to get curious about what's happening right now in my direct experience?
What body sensations am I feeling right now, whether it's a craving or anything else? Where do I feel them in my body?
What do they feel like? What are the raw, physical sensations?
Is it tingling? Is it tightness? Is it heat? Is it restlessness?
Is it simply a feeling of ease? And where do I feel it in my body?
We can even get curious. Is it more on the right side or the left side? Is it more in the front or the back?
Simply being curious about whatever arises in this moment. If we notice that our minds are racing off
into the future with that oh no, this might last for a long time, again, we can flip it to oh,
there's a thought. What's it like to simply notice and acknowledge a thought,
instead of getting caught up in it, having that thought drag us into the future?
What does that thought dragging us into the future feel like in this moment? Notice how curiosity takes no effort.
We simply get curious. So whether you're doing a short meditation
to drop into your direct experience when you're noticing a craving to do something, or simply going through your day, remember this--
oh. And bring curiosity as your friend, as your superpower,
healthy habits
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