Episode 4: Learning how to budget better
Watch as our expects help teach us how to take more control of our finances. Understanding where, how and why we spend our money to better manage it will create more happiness overall.
Transcript
[MUSIC PLAYING]
A lot of times, we have self-worth and quality of life in and directed with our sex lives and with our financial lives.
So, Juliana, talk to us about financial goals, especially how those differ in your work as a marriage and family therapist. What kinds of questions do some of your clients come with?
So one of the things I found that's an interesting trend in my work as a therapist is that the conversations about finances are very similar to the conversations about sex.
They are often viewed as taboo. It is something that you're not supposed to be talking about. It is something that we don't have a lot of language for.
And we have a whole lot of judgment and shoulds and rights and wrongs. So one of the things I like to do when my clients are speaking
about their financial goals is, one, say, yes. I am so glad that you are speaking words to this.
It's important and we should be able to be educated and we should be talking about. The second thing is, as we know about goals in general,
if you're not setting specific goals and having it be something that you put your energy towards, then you're not gonna meet your financial goals.
And you're not going to have that be incorporated in part of your everyday life instead of it being something that's separate than how you're living your life.
The third is, what is the connection between your financial goals-- what are you saying that you want and how that is gonna enhance
the quality of your life? And how is that going to enhance your self-worth? So I wanna be very clear about, again, like,
what are your whys in this? What are your wants in this? And how is that going to enhance the life that you say that you want?
Excellent. Rosie, this space feels more finite, right? It doesn't always feel in our control
as some of the other spaces, like exercise or meditation. And, you know, how does this change
how someone might approach this conversation about finances and what options there are? Yeah. I mean, this is such a great--
it truly is a great question. I mean, I-- I grew up in an environment where we didn't have much. You know?
I-- and I grew up with having lack mentality. And I know a lot of people who have.
And the way that this affects your overall experience in life, I mean, it sometimes can
feel like it's completely out of your control. And for some people, it is. I mean, make no mistake, right? We've seen the effects of-- of the last two years.
And really analyze where and how your beliefs around finances
hinders you in other areas of your life. Changing your mindset around finances with what you have
and really focusing on how you can-- how what you have best serves you in a positive way
can really begin to at least change the way that you feel about money. The only way to really take control of our finances,
honestly, is to spend time on them. When it comes to finances, where clients ask for help
is really only two areas. One of them is organizing their financial information
so that they have access to the information, whether it's receipts and paper stuff and file folders
or what gets digitized and take advantage of all of the automated ways in which we can have
that humming in the background. The people who are the most in control of their finances
spend time checking their bank accounts, checking, or the bills they have to pay, literally,
almost every day, which is a radical concept to most people. And that might be 15 minutes a day
that adds up to an hour and a half or so every week. But think about that. It's a time management issue.
First, look. Then, you have the information. Then, you have the information that will inspire different behavior.
Carve out time to actually evaluate what is it that you're working on. What do you want?
Financial planning is ongoing. It never ends. Every year, things change. So you gotta ask yourself, where am I now?
What's going on in my life right now and my finances? What's my budget? What's the money coming in, going out. What's in my savings, investment, debt?
And then, what are my goals? It's very personal, right? You gotta focus on your own life,
not what someone else wants for you or what your friends are doing at this age. And then, from there you just say, OK,
how am I gonna optimize everything in order to reach these goals? It's so part of financial learning to do two steps forward, one step back.
It's life in general, right? We're like, yeah, making all this progress. I'm never gonna overspend on online shopping again.
And then, next week, you get stressed or something happens and you overspend on online shopping. So don't punish yourself when that happens.
Just say, OK. That happened. That's par to the course. Now, I'm gonna get back on course and continue to make the progress, right?
Life, it's never straight line. I don't know about you. None of my relationships have ever been like that. My business has never been like that.
My goals have never been like that. There's all these twists and turns. And then, eventually, I'm like, ah, I'm here and now it all kinda makes sense.
So with our money, we have to remember it's the same way. And don't get discouraged when those setbacks happen.
But just ask yourself, OK, great. It's happening, it's part to the course, what do I need to do to just get back on course?
You gotta get in that space where you're like, OK, I'm gonna make progress. I might fall down again. But at least I'm making forward progress.
Give yourself a little bit more praise or credit for everything you have accomplished in your life as very good.
We are our own worst accountants. We do a bad job of just trying to keep all the different facets of our portfolio in our minds
at any one time. It can seem incredibly overwhelming and maybe even impossible to get that debt down to zero.
What can we do instead? Well, step one is to actually keep track of where we're spending our money every single day.
Now, that's a challenging process to go through for sure. I understand that. But it's an exercise that's well worth the time.
Because a small expense here, a small expense they're, taking out a $20 out of our wallet or swiping our card for a small expense,
we don't remember that, because it's really of little consequence. But those "of little consequence" expenditures
can add up over the day, over the week, over the month, and over the year. And we might find that a substantial source of our debt is coming from these things that we don't even
remember spending the money on. So try it for a week become a better accountant. Track all of your purchases.
You'll get a better handle on where are you spending your money. And then, you can make a more intentional choice about whether you actually wanna spend it there.
When we get concrete about it, what we might also find is that it reduces the stress that we have. Because, now, it's not just relying
on ourselves to remember where is the money going or to-- to make up answers to that question, because we'll have the real data in front of us
to make more informed and better choices. When we're looking at how other people use their money, it gives us the wrong impression about what
works for other people, what brings their happiness, and, as a result, whether it will bring happiness for ourselves, what other people present to the world
is exceptionally curated. It's not a true reflection of what they're doing what their life is like and how they spend those resources that they have, but it
does serve as a very visual source of social comparison for ourselves. Oftentimes, who we follow on social media, what
grabs our attention in the world around us are those cases that are exceptional, those people who are doing so much better than us.
That's where celebrity culture comes from and why it has such appeal for us. But what does it do to us personally?
It makes us feel like we're not worthy. So I encourage all of us to not look to other people's experiences to understand how am I doing
or how should I meet my own goals that I have.
Hi. I'm Rosie Acosta. And this is a meditation for any of you out there who are having financial stress.
Let's begin. So first, let's take a moment to sit up nice and tall.
Roll your shoulders up and back. Grow tall through your spine. And if it's comfortable, close your eyes.
As you begin to settle in, just notice your body, observe your breath.
Become aware of any tension that this type of stress can cause your body.
I know it can be daunting, but just observe without judgment. Bring your attention and your awareness
to the center of your navel. You can even place both hands there if it feels comfortable. Stack one over the other.
So much of our stress and tension comes from our inability to feel safe.
So notice, what are the parts of you that feel currently unsafe?
And, now, acknowledge that where you are in this moment, in this space, in this time,
you have everything you need in this moment, right here, right now.
Relax any tension in your body. Know that everything you need is right here, right now,
in this perfect moment. Take a deep breath in.
Nice long exhale. Feel free to stay here as long as you like.
When you're ready, slowly begin to lower your chin. Blink your eyes open.
And come back into the space. Feel free to do this practice any time you're feeling tension
around your finances. I always recommend if it's something that's causing you a deep level of stress.
It's always great to talk to a professional that can help you work through this. Thank you so much. And I hope that this practice serves you in some way.
healthy habits
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