How do I prevent sex on demand from spoiling my sex life?

Hilda Y. Hutcherson, MD
OBGYN (Obstetrics & Gynecology)

When you’ve got a one-track mind (“sex equals baby”), it can be easy to lose sight of the bigger picture: your life together as a couple. Counteract the pressure to procreate by rediscovering romance, in and out of bed. Send flirty e-mails during the day - not necessarily just during ovulation - promising all the sexy things you’ll do later that night. Do little things to help each other around the house. Give each other massages. You can’t escape the fact that sex will always have a bigger agenda when you’ve ovulating, but you can try to put the love back in lovemaking.


You also can enhance the sex-on-demand dynamic with a little bit of role-playing. The problem with sex on demand is that it starts to feel like any other ap­pointment in the weekly planner, but if you embrace the spirit of on-demand to explore domination and submission themes, that will add a whole new sexy context. While this isn’t for everyone, but some light bondage can be a fun way to mix things up.


If you choose to call the shots, tell your partner to strip, then use cuffs, scarves, neckties, or under-the-bed restraints to pin them down. Next, put a blindfold over your partner’s eyes. Not only will they be unable to control the pace of the sex play, or the spots you choose to touch, but they’ll also be unable to see any of it coming.


Now, experiment with touch, caressing the inner thighs, kissing the neck. Make your way closer to the genitals without actually touching them. It’ll drive your lover crazy. Wait until your partner is begging for mercy and, when you can no longer hold off, give it to them. This slow, sexual torment will serve to make intercourse more intense for the both of you and can make sex on demand a lot sexier.

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Women's Health

Women's Health

Did you know that women are more likely to seek medical care than men? Sexual health needs, like pregnancy and contraception, often necessitate early visits to a doctor. But as we age, various health issues affect women more than ...

men, including depression, weight problems, and certain types of arthritis.In order to maintain your health and wellness, make sure you get an annual checkup.

Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.