How do we accomplish anger expression?

Betty Davis, LPC, NCC
Mental Health

Expressing anger in an assertive but non-aggressive and socially accepted manner is the healthiest way to express anger. When being assertive, you express your needs and desires, and how to meet these needs without hurting others or ignoring the needs of others. Being assertive does not mean being demanding or selfish. On the contrary, being assertive means being respectful of the needs of yourself and others, and weighing your needs in balance with the needs of others.

When you are assertive, you are able to:

  • Express and communicate your feelings accurately
  • Ask for things you want
  • Say no to things you don't want
  • Have the opportunity to have your needs and wants met
  • Attain respect from others

Some Tips to help manage your anger:

  • Take a "timeout"
  • Once you are calm, express your anger
  • Get some exercise
  • Identify solutions to the situation
  • Use "I" statements when identifying or describing the problem
  • Don't hold a "grudge"
  • Use humor to release tensions
  • Practice Relaxation Skills











Anger expression generally takes one of three forms. Those forms are: anger-in, anger-out or anger control.

Anger-in means turning anger inward. Keeping anger inside has been described by some as depression. This method is observed overwhelmingly in women, who feel that society does not accept angry women.

However, if they do not express their anger, it can leak out in passive-aggressive ways, such as backhanded sarcasm or sulking.

Anger-out expresses anger is outward ways that may include physical assault or lashing out in a hostile verbal assault.

Anger control, which uses a measured response to your anger is generally consider the ideal way to deal with anger.

Studies have shown that people tend to believe that talking things over with the offender is the most effective way to deal with anger.

In this way, anger can be a positive thing because it is fixing something that is not working and is providing a better opportunity to maintain a relationship we value.

In many cases, this can be a quick fix because the offender was unaware that his or her behavior was causing problems.

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.