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What should I do if I want to date someone from my 12-Step group?

Sheila Dunnells
Addiction Medicine
If you are asking that question, I am assuming you are in new sobriety and your sponsor has advised against it. Finding someone attractive, who shares your desire to remain sober, is certainly compelling. However, your sponsor is correct. Don't do it.

At this point in your life, your sobriety comes first. Look back. If you started hanging out with girls at sixteen, you have at least five or six years of relationships behind you. As each relationship became difficult, upsetting, or started to fall apart, how did you handle it? Chances are you ran to your drug of choice. Did it solve anything or did it only make you feel worse about yourself? If you have started thinking about 'people you have harmed' are any of your former girlfriends on the list? If so, you may need to learn more about how to be in a healthy relationship.

As much as the idea of finding a quick fix for your emotions is appealing, remember it can be a road to relapse. This is not the time for getting high on anything, including getting high on a new fling.

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