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How can I find out if my partner is addicted to pornography?

Madeleine M. Castellanos, MD
Psychiatry
If you suspect that your partner is addicted to porn, take a deep breath and ask yourself a few questions:
  • Has he lost his mojo? Is he less interested, or no longer interested, in sex? He may well be squandering sexual resources that should be reserved for his sex life with you.
  • Does he seem detached and disconnected during sex? Some men become so habituated to the intense visual stimulation of porn that they develop a form of sexual ADD (attention deficit disorder). They're no longer able to focus on the sex they're having.
  • Is it taking him longer to reach orgasm, or is he not reaching it at all? Some men end up developing an idiosyncratic masturbation style that is quite different (in terms of pressure and friction) from what it feels like to have sex with a person.
  • What's your overall relationship status? Are you generally tuned in and turned on, or tuned out and turned off?
Now ask your guy to consider the following questions:
  • Do you always masturbate via porn? Have you become reliant on external visual stimulation as opposed to your own imagination or memories?
  • Do you use porn because you're sexually frustrated in your relationship?
  • Is your use of porn tapping you out erotically, leaving little to nothing for your partner?
  • Are you spending too much money on porn sites?
  • Is your use of porn getting in the way of work or other day-to-day responsibilities?
  • Do you think about pornographic images/scenes more often than not when you're actually having sex?
  • Do you feel a pressure to perform like a porn star?
  • Do you judge your partner's sexual performance based on images from porn?
  • Is your use of porn an entirely solo activity, or do you share it with your partner?
  • Are you hiding your use of porn from your partner?
If the answers to these questions are "yes," he could have a problem with porn.

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.