How do I bring back the spark in the bedroom?

Ariel & Shya Kane

First and foremost, start by being kind to YOURSELF! How you treat yourself, you will ultimately inflict upon anybody in relationship with you… especially your mate!

So if you are being kind to yourself it will be easy to be kind and thoughtful and yes, sexy with him or her as well.

Next, Listen. And we mean really listen to him or her to hear what they have to say from their perspective. Often times when a relationship goes stale, you have fallen into listening to your partner with half an ear. It is so easy to be pre occupied with your day and this preoccupation will follow you into the bedroom. Really listening is really, really sexy. But most of us listen to see whether we agree or not with the other person’s point of view. This just exacerbates the fight, or internal commentary and widens the divide.

Another thing is the list. Put away, or better still, burn the list. You know the one! This is the mental list of resentments and regrets. The one that says all the things that he or she has done wrong or should have done better. The list also includes, all those things that they did (or didn’t do) that you felt hurt by.

If you are fighting or bickering, you are not going to want to give the other person the pleasure of pleasuring you. This is a big lose/lose dynamic that a lot of couples get lost in. A possibility is to truly forgive yourself, and your partner for anything that you have done in the past that was insensitive or hurtful. Because if you secretly hold onto those resentments, your sex life is doomed.

One last thing, lighten up and try flirting? Remember how it was done? Have you been flirty with your partner recently? Having fun is sexy.

Kristen Mark
Kristen Mark on behalf of Good In Bed
Try these tips: -- Compliment each other and kiss daily, which promotes intimacy.

  • Have sex regularly, even if you don’t feel like it at first. Research
         shows that desire can follow arousal.
  • Try watching sex tapes together, dabbling in sex toys, or engaging in
         light bondage.

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.