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How to Feel Irresistibly Sexy by Tonight

How to Feel Irresistibly Sexy by Tonight

Science-backed tips to help you get your sexy back.

Everyone has the occasional dry spell. That’s okay. You already have all the tools necessary to exude sexiness. Whether you need a little confidence boost or some bedroom inspiration, these science-backed tips can help awaken your sensuous side and leave you feeling breathless by tonight.

Walk around naked; do it with the lights on
To feel sexy, you need to believe that you deserve sexual satisfaction—that you deserve to be absolutely worshiped in bed. But that calls for a degree self-love that can be tricky to muster. For many, body image gets in the way.

A simple trick to boost your body confidence is to flaunt your birthday suit. Step up to a full-length mirror and do a strip tease for your eyes only. Do housework, read the paper, spend your free time lounging in the nude. This is a chance to see and appreciate your whole body, instead of just zeroing in on imperfections before jumping in the shower.

It’s important to celebrate your body when you’re alone because praise for your figure should come from you as well as from your partner. When you are together, leave the lights on. Hiding in the dark during sex can reinforce insecurities. It may be intimidating at first, but turning on the lights can be a visual treat for both of you. It can also demonstrate that your partner does, in fact, find you irresistible, flaws and all.

Practice your sultry stare
Eye contact is a powerful force. Boldly locking eyes with someone you find attractive can signal both confidence and sexual interest. Just two or three seconds of a steady gaze can make your heart race, boost your ego and send a message that doesn’t require any translating.

In fact, eye contact can literally be electrifying. One group of scientists discovered that eye contact as brief as two seconds increases your skin conductance response (SCR). A greater SCR means that the subtle flow of electricity across your skin temporarily increases, a sign that your sympathetic nervous system is shifting into high gear.

You might normally think of your sympathetic nervous system as controlling your “fight or flight response,” the physical changes necessary to fight danger or run away—eyes dilated, heart pounding, sweating, blushing. But these changes are also essential for sexual arousal. 

Turn off the news
Stress is a libido killer; to be in the mood, you have to be present. To be present, you can’t be worried that the world’s about to end. But a February 2017 report from the American Psychological Association (APA) revealed that about two-thirds of Americans are stressed about the future of the country.

It's hard to get away from this stress, explained Katherine C. Nordal, PhD, from the APA in a press release. "We're surrounded by conversations, news and social media that constantly remind us of the issues that are stressing us the most."

Go off the grid for a few hours; disconnect from social media; turn off your news alert text messages. Allow yourself to forget about the world and slip away for just one sensuous evening.

Choose empowering erotica
Erotica, a type of fiction featuring romantic and sexual storylines, can spark your imagination and let you privately explore new fantasies. But fiction can shape your understanding of sex, gender and relationships in unexpected ways, according to a study from the Journal of Family Planning and Reproductive Healthcare.

When you read erotica, you step into the world of the book. If the main character floats through an effortless love story with no real-life messiness, you may wind up feeling low when you return to reality. If he or she plays along with harmful gender stereotypes or unsafe sex, it can spill over and hurt your confidence or affect your sex practices IRL.

The solution? Browse the shelves responsibly. Look at reviews; follow authors who write safe and emotionally healthy sex scenes; share your faves with friends.

Schedule a FaceTime session with your sex therapist
Sexiness isn’t straightforward. For women especially, sex drive and confidence tend to require:

  • An emotional connection to a partner
  • A sense of self-love
  • Healing from previous negative sexual experiences
  • The ability to shut out stress and focus on the moment

Your mind has a long list of demands. Sometimes the best thing you can do to feel more desirable is to vent about the issues that are making you feel un-sexy.

Talk to a counselor specializing in sexual health. They’ll be able to listen and offer support as you work through fears or insecurities.

Many therapists are happy to meet via phone or FaceTime, as well as in person. To find a sexual health counselor near you, use Sharecare’s Find a Doctor tool.

Medically reviewed in January 2019.

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