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Why do we fall for people who are bad for us?

Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski on behalf of Good In Bed
Psychology
Not everyone falls for people who are bad for them. And those of us who do can learn to fall for people who are good for us.

Early in our relationship lives, we fall for people who replicate our family of origin. We fall for folks who obey the rules of attachment we learned before we were, say, four years old.

For some people, that’s okay. But if you had a difficult upbringing, you’re going to recapitulate that dynamic you change. Sometimes change happens spontaneously, but mostly it’s deliberate and it’s effortful.

And by effortful, I mean you have dig through layers of hardened earth, uproot your own psychology, and replant it somewhere less toxic.

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.