How do I ask for what I need in a relationship?

In relationships you can ask for what you need or get what you get. No one can read minds. If you don't ask for what you need then the likelihood of getting what you need or want is slim. If you ask there is a 50% chance you will get what you need or want. Asking can be scary and here are a few reasons: fear of rejection, feeling somehow less indepedent and not feeling worthy. These fears usually lead someone to believe that asking may lead to fighting and worse, the relationship ending. In summary, for many people it's either about not asking for what you need to preserve the relationship or asking for what you need worried that if you do the relationship my end. That sounds like a challeging decision. Lets look at it a different way, it can be harmful to not get your needs met and as harmful if the relationship ends. If your needs continue to go unmet at some point the relationship will probably end, anyway.

Think about what you want to ask. Is it realistic? Is it important to you? Can your partner fulfill the request? If yes then it's probably important to ask. If you are struggling with these questions or are unsure how to communicate your request role play with people you trust; family or friends. Learning to communicate what you need is also really important.

The more you ask for what you need the easier it becomes.

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.