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How can I control my niceness where my friends are concerned?

Karen R Koenig
Psychology

To end your nice girl manifesto towards your friends:

  • Extend yourself toward people you like and care about.
  • Expect friends to be emotionally healthy, self-aware, and working on resolving their issues.
  • Require that friends be good listeners, go out of their way for you, provide validation, understanding, sound advice, and solicited (and if you are harming yourself, unsolicited) feedback.
  • Seek out people who can put aside their needs and desires and who have your interest at heart.
  • Encourage friends to share their honest feelings with you in a tactful, appropriate way, even if their words hurt.
  • Anticipate that communicating authentically with friends does not come automatically but takes time, commitment, trust, guts, and energy.
  • Surround yourself with people who can take feedback so that you don’t have to sit on your hurt and stuff your feelings with food.
  • Have enough friends that all your eggs aren’t in one basket and have different kinds of associations for varying needs and activities (going out, heart-to-heart talks, etc.).
  • Allow that friends aren’t perfect and neither are you.
  • Expect that friends will share equally the work of forging a spectacular relationship.
  • Know that you will make and lose friends throughout life and believe that you will always have good friends as long as you want and seek them out.

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.