Why might I be disappointed with my partner who has ADD?

In a relationship with a partner who has attention deficit disorder (ADD) and in any intimate relationship, if you expect to never feel disappointed, your expectations are unrealistic. Remember that your partner will have different needs, expectations, ideals, values, habits than you. It is impossible for you not to have conflicts in assumptions and expectations. In this way, it is entirely predictable that on a daily basis you will both be disappointed with each other in some way. You may be disappointed with your ADD partner that she or he generates so many ideas that she never translates her big ideas into real world outcomes. Or your ADD partner may be disappointed with you that you get bogged down in details and miss the fun in life.

When you recognize that a disappointment-free relationship is unreasonable, you free yourself to begin the work of using disappointment to examine your own expectations. You will begin to sort out which expectations are reasonable or unreasonable. You can than look at your unreasonable expectations and continue the process of reflecting where they come from. You may find that unreasonable expectations come from:

  • Hollywood movies
  • Your parents need for you to live their unlived life
  • Your friends ideas about the ideal partner
  • Your own insecurity
  • Your family culture
  • TV shows
  • Magazines
  • Self-help experts

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.