How can couples avoid blaming each other for infertility?

A diagnosis of infertility is hard for a couple to receive. Your husband's sperm are "slow." Or your endometriosis has blocked one of your fallopian tubes. Or the infection your husband had during his bachelor days damaged many of his sperm. It would be easy to turn to one another and shout, "It's your fault!" But the reality is that any time you play the blame game, you both lose.

Does it really matter whose "fault" it is? After all, this is not something you have much control over. And it may be too late to change the few things you might have once controlled, such as trying to conceive when you were younger. The reality is what you're facing today: Having a baby is going to be more difficult for the two of you than for many other couples.

To keep from turning down the blame lane:
  • Reassure your partner that you are both in it together.
  • Remember how you feel about your partner, why you love him or her and why you want to have a child together.
  • Talk about your frustration and anger openly. Studies show that couples who keep their feelings hidden are much more likely to have problems related to the stress of infertility.
  • Attack the infertility issue as a united front. That means going to appointments together, coping with side effects together, grieving together and sharing the news together with friends and family. 

Continue Learning about Infertility



Infertility may affect women, men or both. Infertility may be considered primary, meaning this is a couple’s first attempt to have a baby; or secondary, in which they aren’t able to conceive after having had one or more children. ...

Learn more form our experts about infertility.

Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.