How to Talk to Your Partner About Saving for Retirement

Have you and your partner talked about retirement? That is, really talked about the nuts and bolts of what your retirement will look like? Have you discussed how you will save, how much you need, where you will live, and what you will do in the post-work phase of your lives?

Roughly half of couples don’t agree on at least some of these things, according to a 2021 survey by Fidelity Investments. Furthermore, 33 percent of Americans polled in a 2016 NerdWallet study said they're not saving for the time after they stop working—and neither is their significant other. Even among couples in which at least one partner is saving for retirement, about 20 percent of other partners have no idea how much they have saved.

Retirement has financial and emotional implications, and it’s an important topic for both partners to discuss. If you’ve been avoiding talking about it out of fear or discomfort, here are a few ways to get the conversation off the ground.

Each partner in the relationship should save 15 percent of their annual income, if possible, to have enough money to retire comfortably. This figure can change, though, depending on how old you are when you start saving and your current age. In general, experts estimate a couple needs 70 percent to 90 percent of their income to live comfortably during retirement.

When it comes to saving for retirement, many experts recommend contributing to an employee retirement program first to take advantage of matching contributions. Then, it typically makes sense to contribute to a Roth or individual retirement account (IRA). Finally, if you’re able to save even more, you can use taxable accounts.

Your retirement income may come from an employee retirement plan, an IRA, Social Security, a pension or, more likely, a combination of these sources. You may also have additional income from part-time jobs or real estate investments.

Remember: when you’re part of a twosome, you can’t just focus on your own investment strategy. Even if you manage your money separately, when combining retirement portfolios, you need to consider your overall financial picture and invest accordingly.

More than half of couples don’t know how much income they will need during retirement even though more than three-quarters say they expect to have enough to be comfortable. This figure drives the type of housing you can afford, your overall cost of living, the health care you can receive, and whether you’re able to afford the lifestyle you’ve imagined.

If you haven’t already, use an online retirement calculator to determine how much you should save as a couple. Then, estimate how you will convert your savings into monthly income during retirement. There are plenty of calculators online that can help, including NerdWallet's.

AARP suggests that couples test-drive retirement by living on the income they’ll have once they stop working for an extended period of time. Once you do this experiment, you may find you need to work longer, save more, or get a part-time job to afford the retirement you hope for.

About 76 percent of married couples are about the same age—within five years of each other—according to a 2017 U.S. Census Bureau report. While a small age gap might not make a significant difference, a decade or more of difference (which accounts for about 9 percent of couples) can influence many retirement decisions, including who’s going to retire when, and when and how much Social Security you’ll receive. It also drives decisions about survivorship benefits—the amount your partner receives if you die. The greater your survivorship benefits, the less you’ll take home each month. Experts recommend basing retirement planning on the life expectancy of the younger spouse.

You can use the Social Security Administration’s online calculator to help you estimate how long you and your partner might live, and this worksheet from the IRS to calculate IRA withdrawals when there’s a 10-year age gap and the surviving spouse is the sole beneficiary upon death.

Almost half of the couples surveyed in the Fidelity report disagreed about the age they plan to retire and 51 percent differed on the amount of money they will have to save for retirement.  You may agree on the big picture, like where you’ll live, but you also need to consider what your day-to-day life will look like when you don’t have work to fill and structure your time.

A 2016 TIAA study found that women are more likely to spend time with family and friends, be caregivers, and give back to the community. Men will more likely be taking part in sports and working. This different view of retirement isn’t necessarily a problem—time apart and separate activities are healthy—but it can cause conflict if there’s a big disconnect between partners’ expectations. This becomes even more complicated if one spouse wants to keep working and the other wants a full-time retired companion.

Before you retire, write down your personal goals for retirement and ask your partner to do the same. Then compare notes. See where you agree and where you each may need to adjust your expectations or revisit your goals.

It’s important that you and your partner address these issues and make your expectations clear to each other before it’s time to retire. After all, depending on when you stop working and how long you live, you could spend a big chunk of your life in retirement. Make it the retirement you both hope for.