How can I minimize the damage of divorce on my children?

Arlene Feuerberg-Isaacs
The most important thing for your children to know is that you are divorcing each other and not the children. The one most pressing question to children when parents divorce is "what is going to happen to me?"  In order to minimize the damage to the children they must know that the divorce was not thier fault and that they will still have a relationship with both of thier parents.  The children need stabiltiy and need to know that even though the parents do not love each other any more, they both still love their children and that both parents will be there to help and support them.  Never use your children as a pawn!!  Never put them in the middle of your arguments. Never tell them negative things about their mother or father.  Allow them to love both parents.
Arianna Huffington
Health Education

Because about half of all marriages end in divorce, we have to first forgive ourselves and then find innovative ways to minimize the damage of divorce on our children, using love as our guide.


In my case, one thing that was very important to both children was for the four of us to be able to spend Christmas and their birthdays together as a family. So, even though Michael and I have been through many rough patches in the years since our divorce, we make a huge effort to work through all the difficulties and get back to being friends, forever tied together by the two children we’ve brought into the world. With almost no interruption we’ve continued to spend every Christmas Day and every birthday together. And by working through the difficult times, we’ve become closer than ever since our divorce. Indeed, on what would’ve been our 20th anniversary, a magnificent bouquet of flowers that included twenty yellow roses arrived at my home. The card said, “Happy 20th Anniversary. We’ll always be the parents of two remarkable young women. Love, Michael.”  We did not survive as a couple, but at least we’ve survived in the joint parenting of our two children. And this has made it much easier for me to move to fearlessness about the impact of the divorce on the girls.


On Becoming Love, Work, and Life

More About this Book

On Becoming Love, Work, and Life

Observing that her own teenage daughters were beginning to experience some of the same fears that had once burdened her--how attractive am I? do people like me? do I dare speak up?--Arianna...

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Important: This content reflects information from various individuals and organizations and may offer alternative or opposing points of view. It should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. As always, you should consult with your healthcare provider about your specific health needs.