I had always been the chubby kid, the big girl, but only ever at a max of about 50lbs overweight until I was about 20. It's weird, back then the way I viewed myself through my insecure, sick of being teased teenaged eyes, was as though I was as big as I actually am now, (topping out at 346lbs) and as I gained my sense of self and my self esteem grew, I somehow gained a skewed version of myself and see the only about 50lb overweight person I was.
I think thats how I let the pounds creep on and didnt notice til it got harder and harder to tie my shoes. "I carry it well" because I'm tall. Yeah that's a load of crap, I shouldnt have it to carry. How exactly is 150+ extra pounds ever carried well?
I always got lectures from the doctors, and just always gave them the brush off of "yeah I know" I did know, but I just wasnt ready to put in the work and would dilude myself into thinking I'd be fine.. I had normal blood pressure, no other health issues, I "carried it well" so I didnt hate how I looked or let that be a reflection of how I felt about myself... so Id start to take care of it tomorrow.. well I didnt. And it took an actual health scare and the word precancerous being tossed around like it was confetti to snap me out of my procrastination.
From the age of 18 to probably about 24 or so.. meals and snacks consisted of take out, fast food, junk, morning noon and night. McDonalds or Dunkin Donuts for breakfast, Burger King, Papa Ginos or the canteen truck for lunch, and some local sub shop or maybe Chillis or Unos or some larger restauraunt for dinner. And when we ate.. boy did we eat. Start with an appetizer, full meal, and dont forget dessert! It's sort of an obvious duh as to why I am as big as I am. If Im somehow genetically predisposed to gaining weight easily, thats still beatable. I just have to work harder. To get the chance to be healthy, not be winded from a staircase, go on rides with weight limits, not struggle to buckle the seatbelt on an airplane, have kids and live a long life with them and my husband.. some hard work is a small price to pay.
I had all the knowledge as to what to do and how to do it. Its pretty simple really, what wasn't simple was finding the fire to light under my butt to actually put the work in. "Im tired, Ill start exercising tomorrow." "Ohh.. I ate junk today, may as well have more, Ill start fresh again tomorrow." Excuse after excuse, and somehow time whizzed by and I went from being an unhealthy 20 year old to a very unhealthy 30year old. Im not a kid anymore, I needed to stop acting like one.
So here we are, about 2 months in and a little more than 20lbs down, not on a fad diet or a quick fix, but on the long slow road, that will get me where I need to be. I think I was always waiting to have some super fast way to get it all off at once. Some grand plan that would have me fit in 5 months. Well that's unrealistic, I finallly figured that out. Just do the work. Do it right. Just DO IT. (Nike made a great slogan haha)
Its interesting to me now that Ive been eating healthy I don't want the junk like I used to. Dont get me wrong.. there's the occasional pizza craving, but Ill have a couple slices from a small, not 4 slices from a large, with fries or breadsticks on the side. And one meal a week of "junk" doesn't mean I need to dive back into the eat junk whenever I want, all the time life. Its a treat. No need to deny myself, but remmeber its just that.. an occasional treat. I found out that like "real food" fruits, vegetables, dairy. Now for lunch I'll have tomato, onion, avocado salad, 1 or 2 wasa crackers and a laughing cow cheese wedge. And its filling! I dont need a Whopper meal with large fries and soda to feel satisfied. I've also come to appreciate water. Its all I drink really. (Besides a cup of tea and milk every day) I used to have multiple sodas, or juices a day, who was I kidding.. those weren't quenching any thirst, and was a sweet drink really worth my health? Nope. If I want some carbonation.. Seltzer Water it is. 90% of my grocery order now consists of shopping the outside egde of the supermarket. Fresh produce, Meats, Dairy. No more 90% in the cookies, sugary cereal, mac and cheese, cookies, ice cream, chips, soda, cookie aisles.. and I like it.
Eat to live, don't live to eat.
I think I'm babbling.. so I'm gonnna stop now.. Anyways.. I'll forge on through and escape from the prison of obesity.. and be the best version of myself I can.