Why are early family relationships predictive of later illness?

An important reason why early family relationships are so predictive of later illness is that these patterns of relating do not change very much in most people over time. Whether or not it was safe for you to be open and intimate in your family while growing up may determine to a large degree how safe it feels for you to be in an intimate relationship now. This view of the world - is it safe to open my heart and make myself vulnerable? - is molded during early years of development.

These patterns of relating do not change very much in most people over time because our culture does not often encourage us to examine these issues. When you understand how addressing early developmental issues can increase your capacity for intimacy and joy now, then you may become more motivated to consider working with a good therapist where you can practice being vulnerable and emotionally intimate in a safe environment so that you can then apply these skills outside the therapist's office. When we understand how powerfully love and intimacy affect not only the quality and joy in our lives but also our very survival, then we may become more motivated to explore whatever approaches may be of value - including all of those described in chapter 4 of book Love and Survival, and more.