What is relationship mindfulness?

Relationship mindfulness is an adaptation of the stress management technique called "mindfulness." If you've picked up any magazine or self-help book in the last few years, no doubt you have heard about it. Mindfulness means that you take a few minutes where you will be present with your inner workings -- thoughts, emotions -- and observe them without judgment. Rather than act on them you just notice and observe. Relationship Mindfulness adapts this strategy for handling your partner.

Relationship mindfulness means that you are aware of your internal experience in relation to another person. You are aware of your judgments and you bring your mind back to the present, not letting your mind wander to the future or the past. You are aware of your internal sensations and thoughts and are able to use your internal experience to help you make wise decisions versus acting on urges or emotions. 

Being mindful also means participating fully in the interaction with the other person. You are fully present and focused on the other person's communication with you, respecting the other person's point of view and experience without judging it.

Whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed, you are in a relationship. First with yourself, then with those near and dear to you and even those you encounter as you move through the day.

Mindfulness is noticing how the connections you create affect you and the other person. It is also about choosing to initiate a warm, positive exchange with everyone you encounter. Even a simple smile and hello creates a positive feeling for you and everyone around you. Remember, attention is energy. “What our attention is on is what we become.” –Saint Germain

It’s a fact—lack of effective communication (or the lack of MINDFUL COMMUNICATION) is a leading cause of divorce, the breakdown of relationships between parents and children, as well as between employees and their employers. There is no doubt that communication in all types of relationships can make or break them, but changing how we relate to one another is easier said than done. This is because of inherited or past communication patterns that can quickly lead to hurt feelings or emotional disconnection. What’s more, most people don’t have the knowledge, skills or the time to invest in changing how they behave.

By learning skills of how to be more fully present and mindful in our relationships we can transform them from relationships that are struggling or suffering to relationships that are thriving.

New and effective communication skills can be quickly applied even to the most challenging or difficult relationships. For more information please refer to the bestselling, award winning guide to transforming your relationships: Changing Behavior: Immediately Transform Your Relationships with Easy to Learn, Proven Communication Skills. A free excerpt is available at www.changingbehavior.org.