How can I tell when my elderly parent needs assistance?

Any change in habit or personality could be a warning sign that an elderly family member needs help to remain at home. Has your parent become easily irritated or suddenly taken to being tearful? These could be signs of dementia. And contrary to what many believe, dementia is not a normal process of aging.

When considering whether or not your loved one needs extra help, look carefully at some of the following signs:

• Are his or her clothes clean and well-kept?
• Has he forgotten to add a belt?
• Has she forgotten to change out of her slippers and passes it off
         as being comfortable or is he or she wearing the same outfit
         over and over again?
• Does your parent or loved one show signs of deteriorating hygiene
         such as body odor, bad breath, unkempt hair?
• Is his or her home as tidy as it should be?

Of course, as seniors age, their surroundings won't be as neat as they once were, but they should still be clean. Changes in behavior are what matter most.

Weight loss is another change in habit that is a warning sign. Your loved one may be unable to prepare their meals, fearful of using the stove or oven, unable to pay for groceries, or just forgetting to eat.

For many of us, the holidays offer a once-a-year time to visit with elderly relatives who live at a distance. A blog I wrote around the holidays offered tips on spotting when a loved one needs help. You certainly don't have to wait for the holidays to use these!

Mary Twomey, MSW, Co-Director, University of California, Irvine, Center of Excellence on Elder Abuse and Neglect offered these for us to share:

• Does an elderly loved one require help with chores or housekeeping, personal care, shopping and meal preparation, money management, transportation, medical checkups, or medications?
  
  
• Are they isolated or, do they live with others? If living with another, are they dependent on that person for care? Is that person an appropriate caregiver? During your visit, keep an eye out for warning signs of self-neglect, or abuse or neglect by others. If, before you make your trip, you suspect that your loved one needs extra assistance, plan a longer stay so that you can visit local aging service organizations during regular work hours.
  
  
• Make the most of your visits by taking some private time with the elder to discuss future planning. Allow time for them to express anxieties. You can decide together what needs to be done and who can help. Be observant while you are visiting.

Elder abuse could be contributing to the need for assistance.

Self-Neglect – If the senior lives alone and does not have anyone providing assistance, self-neglect may become an issue. Some things to look for include:

• Senior appears confused
• Senior is no longer able to handle meal preparation, house cleaning, laundry, bathing, or timely bill payment
• Senior seems depressed
• Senior is drinking too much or is overusing drugs
• Senior is falling frequently
• Senior appears undernourished, dehydrated, under-medicated, or is getting care for problems with eyesight, hearing, dental problems, continence, etc.

This is a start. The key is to be observant. That is the only way you will pick up on things.