How do I prevent stress from spoiling my sex life?

To prevent stress from spoiling your sex life, try giving each other erotic massages. To start, have your partner lay down on their stomach, with their arms at their side. Before even opening up your bottle of massage oil, kneel besidethem, and run your hands firmly down the length of their body, all the way from the upper back down to the tips of their toes. Do this several times, and then do it again, this time with the oil. Begin massaging the back. Kneeling above their head, place your palms on their upper back, facing downward, and push them all the way down to the buttocks, then out to either side and up to the shoulders. Massage the shoulders, pull­ing your hands up from the front to the back. Next, place your hands on the upper back with your hands palm-to-palm, as if in prayer. Repeat the motions you previously made when your hands were palms down. Next, make small circles with your thumbs up and down the sides of the spine, and then massage the sides of the torso by simply pulling upward with your palms. Move to the legs next, sliding your hands up and down them, and then kneading them. Do the same with the arms. Massage your partner’s palms, and then pull lightly on their fingers. Ask your partner to roll over, and repeat the arm and leg massages from the front.

 

At this point, your partner is probably feeling better than they’ve felt in forever, and is most likely willing to reward you with any number of sexual favors. But you’re about to take things up a notch. Run your hands down the center of their torso, including the area be­tween the breasts (if your partner is a woman). Knead the breasts gently, using both circular motions and also running your fingers up and down the sides, away from the nipples and back again.

For many people, stress can spoil a healthy sex life. But remember: studies show that the body's response to touching and being touched can actually decrease stress and improve mood. That being said, work, kids, and family obligations can often leave little time or energy for sex. What's the solution?

First, make sex a priority. Research shows that couples who have successful and lasting relationships have a ratio of positive to negative interactions that is 5:1 or greater. A healthy sex life has the power to put positive interactions into your emotional bank account that can serve as a buffer when stress leads to negative interactions in your relationship. Schedule a weekly date night. It may seem unromantic to schedule dates and/or sex, but as couples get busy, it is necessary prevent stress from spoiling intimacy. Mixing it up by surprising your significant other with a hotel room while the babysitter is minding the kids can add some spontaneity and excitement you used to have in the courting phase of your relationship.

Next, remember that every person has a different relationship to sex and love. Generally, men often need sex to feel loved, and women need to feel loved to have sex. This is largely due to the differences between the way the male and female brains are wired. Foreplay can be all day for women (e.g., sending your wife a flirty text in the morning before date night), whereas men tend to view foreplay as the 5 minutes before intercourse (men: more foreplay, please!). Be considerate of your significant other and his or her love language. If your partner likes "quickies," then perhaps he or she can return the favor by giving you the kind of grand, romantic evening you desire. Mixing it up in this way is a great way to prevent stress from impacting your love life, because you can continue to have a healthy sex life no matter how much time you have left in your day - if 5 minutes is all the two of you have, use it! Remember that intimacy, touch, and sex are vital to healthy relationships.

Third, remember that sex can involve a variety of acts that don't always need to lead to intercourse. Cuddling, touch, and massage are just as important as intercourse. A touch on the leg or 10 second kiss can do wonders to buffer the effects of stress on a relationship.