As a mother, how can I influence my child's development?

Kids need to feel safe and protected, but they also need to learn to experience the world by taking risks. They grow through the success or failure of their efforts, not ours. If we micromanage our children's lives, we send a message that they are incompetent on their own. When they do not face challenges because we shelter them from any discomfort or emotional stress, they are unable to discover their true capabilities and claim their inner strength.

As the kids get bigger, our relationship with them evolves. We are no longer the source of all things - perfection embodied in the form of the universal mother. They start to develop discernment and evaluate our behavior as a gauge for their own. At this point, it is imperative that, if you want to influence your children, you strive to practice what you preach. They pick up your values even when you do not think you are broadcasting them, so be aware of what you teach with your actions. Parents have a remarkable amount of influence over the behavior of their offspring, both good and bad; they do not control them completely . . . and certainly not predictably. There are couples who were absolute monsters, but whose children grew up to be kind, responsible, emotionally stable adults. In addition, there are people who were conscientious, caring, involved parents, but whose kids ended up in jail or rehab. There is always some unforeseen and uncontrollable factor that impacts your child's development- including the forces within.

Our children's development is most affected by how they feel.  Loving your child and defining what love looks like in your family is an essential part of influencing your child's development.  Does love look like hugging, kissing, words of affirmation, quality time together, discipline, or guidance?  What combination of these things does it look like?  

When a child's development is arrested, like if someone yells at them to say that they are nothing, they become emotionally stuck.  They aren't able to move past that, and they are fragile, overly sensitive, thinking people are saying something about them that they aren't, and crying a lot.  The biggest contributor to this kind of situation is not giving them love that they can rely on in a consistent way to feel safe.  Love makes them feel safe, allows them to trust others and themselves, and helps them to take risks and accept their own failures.