In making decisions in your own life, you will need a lot of information to judge whether a relationship is likely to be successful. One way to gather this information is to think of the person you are interested in or involved with as having these three layers.
The Superficial Side: This surface layer refers to a partner's personality traits and level of attractiveness. A person can be shy or outgoing, fun or serious, assertive or passive: traits that become obvious within a few dates. Many people also make decisions about whether to date someone on appearance alone. Others use a partner's popularity in school as the main factor in deciding whether to begin or continue a relationship.
The Daily Dose: Some people are irritating, stressed out, easy to be with, woefully disorganized, or super orderly. Over time, a person who is more controlling might be harder to have a relationship with than one who is more easygoing. How a partner's personality affects you can change as a relationship continues.
The Core Essence: At some point, you will gain a sense of the core essence of a person. Is this person solid gold? Easy to trust? Predatory? A born wanderer? A person's basic nature reflects whether a relationship will be likely to last. If you want a long-term relationship with someone, a central quality to look for is trustworthiness.
If you are wondering whether a relationship will succeed or lead to disappointment, try peeling away the layers of the superficial side, the daily dose, and the core essence. The most important factor should always be whether you are passionate about your partner's core essence. Daily problems can be resolved with improved communication skills and other relatively easy fixes, but it is foolish to believe that you will be able to make changes in a person's basic nature. It might be tempting to be with someone whose attractiveness and charm impress your friends, but if you are looking for a relationship for the long haul, focus on the core essence.
In making decisions in your own life, you will need a lot of
information to judge whether a relationship is likely to be
successful. One way to gather this information is to think of the
person you are interested in or involved with as...
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Dr. Lara Honos-Webb answered:In making decisions in your own life, you will need a lot of information to judge whether a relationship is likely to be successful. One way to gather this information is to think of the person you are interested in or involved with as having these three layers.
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