How can I support someone who has cancer?

As a partner, your work as caregiver may involve the following:

1. Helping to maintain the household. This includes cooking (or arranging for food from friends or takeout sources), cleaning, childcare, driving, and any other task for which your partner requests help.

2. Keeping track of your partner’s medical appointments and treatment schedule. It is a smart idea to be organized, and we recommend getting a calendar especially for this purpose.

3. Keeping a list of all medications, including over-the-counter medications, for both of you to carry with you at all times.

4. Providing reassurance of your continued love and support. This includes being affectionate and patient (treatment for cancer can be an emotional roller coaster ride), listening attentively when your partner wants to talk (without pressuring to talk if he or she doesn’t want to), and assuring your partner that you will take an active role in his or her recovery.

5. Encouraging your partner to move forward, one day at a time. Some people question why they got cancer. Cancer is caused by a variety of factors, most still not understood, and it is nonproductive for your partner to feel guilty about what he or she did or did not do to get cancer. This feeling of guilt can be particularly tricky when cancer runs in families (genetic or hereditary cancers), as the guilt is not only personal but can have far-reaching implications for other members of the family.

6. Providing hope, optimism, and improving the quality of life of your partner during treatment and afterward. Quality of life is an important consideration for all cancer patients, and as a partner you are in a unique position to greatly help in this capacity. A cancer journey may have many ups and lots of downs. Cancer is an anxiety-filled experience. You can’t always avoid the negative emotions and stress, but you can strive for honesty about how you are feeling and accept that the ups and downs are a normal part of the process.