How can I identify my family's rules?

Write it down
With the family all together, I’d like you to take out a big sheet of paper and, on the left side, write down as many of your current household rules as you can think of. Chances are, you’ve got a lot of don’t rules. Work together to figure out how to turn those don’ts into do’s, and write the new, positive rules on the right hand side of your sheet of paper.

Now talk with your children about why you have these rules, and why you want them to exhibit each of these positive behaviors. Look at your mission statement and talk about how your family rules help you achieve your family’s goals. Are there other positive rules that you or the children wish to add to the list? Discuss why they might be helpful to your family or further your family mission.

You can also point to your values list and talk about how your rules give strength to your values. You can even make this a fun game: Ask the kids to match an item on the rules list with an item on the values list .

Start with 3 rules
It’s hard to all the rules in mind, 24 hours a day. So, with the help of your children, choose 3 rules, write them down and put them in a prominent place, like the ‘fridge or the bathroom mirror.

You’ll start by focusing on these rules first, and you’ll track your family’s success in following the rules for a week. The idea is to teach the skills they need, little by little, and to thoughtfully follow and understand the rules.

Review it
After a week, talk to your kids about how they think they did with these rules. Let them know how you feel they did, and how you feel you did. Then choose three new rules to work on. If you need to repeat a rule, that’s fine, as long as your children understand why.

The purpose of this discussion is to teach your children that that they will become strong, thoughtful and happy people if they learn now how to live with positive behaviors, not negative ones. And let them know that you will try to do the same.