How can I get my child to talk to me?

The trick is in asking the right questions. Instead of asking close-ended questions that only require a simple yes or no answer ask more open-ended questions that require explanation or description. These questions are more likely to spark a conversation that keeps going. For example, rather than asking, “How was school today?” ask  “What was the best thing that happened at school today?” or “Which subject did you enjoy the most today and why?” Listen for details that may be missing and ask him or her to clarify or be more specific.

Also, keep this in mind: you communicate with more than just words. Your body language speaks just as loud (and sometimes even louder) than the actual words you say. I know my kids can usually tell when I’ve had a bad day even before I open my mouth. Everything from your facial expressions to your tone of voice and gestures contributes to the information you’re passing to your child, whatever their age.

The way you approach your child is as important as what you actually say. So be mindful of how your child might interpret your body language: Are you smiling or frowning? Is your voice harsh and loud, or soft and gentle? Are your hands on your hips? Are your arms folded? Or do you appear open and approachable?

One of the most important things you can do while talking with a young child is to get down on his level. If you’re towering over him, he may feel intimidated. Instead, sit together or kneel down so that you are eye-to-eye with him. He’ll know that you’re really listening and feel that what he has to say is important to you.

From Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children by Jennifer Trachtenberg.

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