How can we help our child overcome jealousy of our newborn?

• Start by telling him—often—that you and Mom love him very much and that those feelings will never change.
• Keep a few small presents around in case big brother feels left out when people bring gifts for the baby but not for him.
• Stress the perks of being an older brother. For example, the baby is too little to play with “big boy” toys, or eat food that big kids do. It’s an odd way to build self-esteem, but it works.

Make sure the older child gets special attention. Maybe Dad could spend some time with the older child or other relatives could plan some activiites with the older child.

Read books about having a new sibling to the older child.

Involve the older child in the care of the baby. Let the older child help you with activities around the house, doing them with you whenever possible rather than for you.

Watch your words. Don't make the baby the reason your older child can't do his normal activiites or what he used to do. Instead of "I can't hug you now, I'm feeding the baby: say "I want to hug you so much, but my arms are busy right now."  

Validate your child's feelings. State what you guess he must be feeling and acknowledge his feelings are understandable.  "It must be hard for you to wait" and "I bet you wish we could go to the park whenever you wanted to."

Teach the older child how to touch the baby and how to be around the baby.

Be patient with baby behavior or other unusual behavior from your older child. He's trying to adjust.

Talking to the child may not help, especially with a young child. Jealousy comes from a very deep place inside the child, almost from a primordial survival instinct, and is not to be reasoned away. I have especially seen this with adopted children who went through the trauma of separation from their birth mother and then perhaps an additional separation from a foster family. No matter how loving the adoptive family, they may have a deep insecurity about the new family disappearing like their previous one did.

Fortunately, homeopathic medicines can relieve this deep, irrational jealousy which may even be accompanied by aggressive behavior. Homeopathic medicines are gentle and safe for children. You may want to start with the gentlest of all – Rescue Remedy, a blend of five flower essences made by floating flower petals in water. It’s so mild, its hard to believe it could help, but in my experience it often does.

If it’s not strong enough, though, try a specific homeopathic medicine which matches the child’s symptoms.

The most common remedy for this situation is Pulsatilla, in which the child becomes clingy, needy, demanding of attention and reassurance, sweet but a little manipulative, maybe acting babyish (wanting a bottle again, sucking her thumb again, wanting to sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed again, forgetting her hardwon potty-training skills). Pulsatilla 30c from the heatlh food store might just break this pattern and restore her to her usual sweet and affectionate self.

A child who is jealous to the point of rages and possibly destructive behavior could benefit from the remedy Hyoscyamus. Your health food store may not have it, but you can easily get it online in the 30c potency.

If neither remedy seems to match or to help, please take your child to a professional homeopath. A well-matching homeopathic medicine when your child is still young may save you years of therapy for her in the future!