How can I manage difficult family relationships over the holidays?
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Dr. Sudeepta Varma answered:Some of the most common causes of disagreement amongst family members during the holidays include where and with which family members to spend the holidays, finances, and gift giving. Driven by the unrealistic desire to please absolutely everyone (an impossible and improbable feat) we often overextend ourselves and are left exhausted. Having clear conversations before the holidays, months in advance, is one of the most important ways people can avoid family conflict. Start by deciding very specific things- with whom will you be spending the holidays- with which family members and for how many nights. What will be expected of you and your family? Who will be hosting dinner on the big holidays? How much travel is expected? What is the cost? It is really important to let your extended family know just what you are capable of- with respect to money and time. How much are you able to spend on gifts for the family? If you’ve lost your job and aren’t in a position to be as generous with your gifts this year have you expressed this directly? Often, we avoid clear communication because it is in our nature, for many of us, to avoid conflict. However, sweeping issues under the rug never make them go away. Sure, there may be initial discomfort when initiating these conversations but they also bring a sigh of relief. Our desire to please others is innate, often at our own expense. But we must also recognize that avoidance of these conversations will lead to disappointment on both ends- which can create resentment. This resentment can be more damaging than the conversation we are actually avoiding. By stating our limitations and expectations months before the holiday, in a calm, yet firm fashion, including constraints on time or money, can help avoid family stress.
Helpful? 2 people found this helpfulSome of the most common causes of disagreement amongst family members during the holidays include where and with which family members to spend the holidays, finances, and gift giving. Driven by the unrealistic desire to please... More -
Dr. Charles Sophy answered:All families experience difficulty especially during the holidays. So know the relationships that are difficult for you and gear up. Limit your exposure and don’t commit to stay past your tolerance. And as a special gift to you and them, try to see the relationship from a strengths perspective. Meaning see what is strong and good about that person and their relationship with you and from there maybe begin a new and better way to communicate... Strength-based.
Helpful? 1 person found this helpfulAll families experience difficulty especially during the holidays. So know the relationships that are difficult for you and gear up. Limit your exposure and don’t commit to stay past your tolerance. And as a special gift to you and them, try... More -
Yogi Cameron Alborzian answered:The holiday season brings with it colder days, longer nights, and a general sense of growing heaviness throughout each moment of the day. We often hear of the difficult emotional times people have as we get closer to the holidays, often out of a sense of loss or emptiness for the relationships they do or do not have. Given how complicated our family relationships already are throughout the entire year, all of this heaviness is likely to make them even more difficult as the year draws to a close.
The Yogic and Ayurvedic path teaches us that burdening our digestive system with too much food, too much alcohol, and the many things we put into our body around the holidays will give us a general sense of heaviness--with or without the difficulty of our family. Given this, taking on the emotional burdens of these coldest and darkest times of the year with a physical burden of too much heavy food will simply add to the difficulty of complicated relationships.
If you find that you are in for a bit of tumult as we come closer to the holidays, limit the amount of food you eat to only one or two meals a day, refrain from eating for the last four or five hours of the day, and generally keep your system light and unburdened. An overall sense of lightness will grow in all aspects of your life--including in your relations with your family.
The holiday season brings with it colder days, longer nights, and a general sense of growing heaviness throughout each moment of the day. We often hear of the difficult emotional times people have as we get closer to the holidays, often out of... More -
Renee Ross of TherapyLiveCare answered:Anyone who has ever read a Hallmark card knows that holidays are difficult. Many of us create high expectations of what is suppose to be and how we are suppose to behave. Most of us can't remember what we wore two days ago but many can remember what we did or where we sat on Christmas day. Holidays take most of us to a time of remembrance which is filled with memories of both joy and loss. As a result many of us resort to over-indulging in things we might otherwise reject. Giving the gift of gratitude to ourselves and others can help remove the stress associated with the unrealistic desires to please everyone and prevent "the Holiday Blues."Anyone who has ever read a Hallmark card knows that holidays are difficult. Many of us create high expectations of what is suppose to be and how we are suppose to behave. Most of us can't remember what we wore two days ago but many can remember what... More
