Is it part of being a nice girl that I avoid arguments?

Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Reflecting before speaking, holding your tongue, being a good listener, and speaking kindly whenever you can make for excellent communication. However, these verbal skills are only half of what you need in the game of life. The other half is to break a silence and speak up, draw your words from authentic feeling, take care of yourself through what you say even if it hurts someone else’s feelings, and use your voice to enhance your life. You already have a terrific set of skills and now need to add another set in order to be complete and in balance. The good news is that these skills are absolutely learnable; the bad news is that you will be extremely uncomfortable developing them. Sorry, there’s no other way, so stop thinking about how hard it is to change and gather your courage, optimism, and determination.