When you focus on your partner's problems, you make them less likely to cooperate with you:
- You get more of what you focus on. By constantly bringing your partner's symptoms front and center, you bring more attention to them, creating more problems. If you've read anything at all about the law of attraction, you know that you draw to you more of what you focus on.
- Reactance is a fundamental law of human nature. It means that if someone is trying to control you, most people feel a natural tendency to buck the control and demonstrate that they cannot be controlled. This is a common human tendency, but it is much stronger in people with ADD!!! The more you try to control your partner's symptoms the more they will buck you. If you have ever heard of "reverse psychology" which is not a real psychology term but most people understand that it means if you want something from a reactant person you need to ask for the opposite. If you have ever tried to get a 2 year old, a teenager or a person with high levels of reactance to do anything, you may have discovered yourself that "reverse psychology" works.
- When you focus on your partner's problems, you violate the fundamental law of attraction. They feel less attracted to you and then they begin to question the commitment, which sets up a vicious and destructive cycle in the relationship.