Question

Human Practices & Relationships

How can my sex drive return after my husband's affair?

A Answers (1)

  • ACharles Sophy, MD, Psychiatry, answered

    The Rule of Protection: Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness. If you and your husband want to be in love with each other, you must build your Love Bank accounts. But before you build them, you must be sure there are no leaks in the Love Bank. It's pointless to deposit love units into a sieve, where every deposit is promptly withdrawn by a Love Buster. So you must make a special effort to plug up those leaks by committing yourselves to avoid being the cause of each other's unhappiness.

    The Rule of Care: Meet your spouse's most important emotional needs. The way to deposit the most love units is to meet a person's most important emotional needs. Conversation is not your only important emotional need. Affection, recreational companionship, admiration and sexual fulfillment may be some of the other important emotional needs that your husband must meet. Unless your husband eventually meets your most important needs, you will be frustrated.

    The Rule of Time: Give your spouse your undivided attention. Your husband may already know how to meet your emotional needs, but unless he sets aside enough time to do it; all of his skills will not do you any good. It's the man who gives you time for undivided attention who will win your heart. I suggest that you and your husband plan to spend at least 15 hours each week together, giving each other your undivided attention. Use that time to meet each other's emotional needs for affection, conversation, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment.

    The Rule of Honesty: Be completely honest with your spouse. What you begin as an extraordinary precaution must become the standard way you and your husband communicate with each other -- with openness and honesty.

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