- Love is an emotion. In its purest form, love is the most powerful emotion that exists. Judgment, on the other hand is devoid of emotion. In its purest form, it is pure logic and is extremely powerful to refute. Judgment can, however, evoke emotions in others, because of the strength or lack of strength in the logic used to support any judgment. However, regardless of the emotions that one feels, judgment is still not an emotion.
- The power of love can draw even the most distant people together. Love traverses race, religion, age, gender, income, political affiliation -- there is almost nothing that love cannot draw together. We can see the power of love in the most unlikely of marriages and friendships. Judgment, on the other hand, almost always serves the purpose to separate and categorize. It often contributes to creating hierarchies and divisions in families, neighborhoods, politics, nations and religions. Judgment often justifies war and genocide. Even when it does serve to draw some people together, it still serves to separate others.
- Love often lacks objectivity and in its truest form is unconditional. It neither evaluates nor questions -- it just is. The very nature of Judgment is conditional. It requires questions and answers, and while one would hope it is based in truth, it often is not.
- Love often hits us like a ton of bricks. There is not much that is subtle about it. Like a teen crush or a running, jumping hug from your child, love can knock you off your feet. There are times that love can sneak up on us, but not very often. Judgment is often very subtle, and many of us do not realize when we have formed judgments, whether those judgments are fair or not. Judgment is tied to our opinions and world views, and while sometimes we hold onto some judgments as truth, they are often based in opinion, conjecture, rationalization and justification. The subtleness of these influences often leads to arrogance and tease us into defining a false truth. Propaganda is often uses pieces of truth combined with subtle misinformation to feed false judgments.
- Love does not consist of stratifications. Judgment often depends on stratification. The person judging is often seen as or wants to be seen as having a higher status than the person being judged. The need to be seen as or consider oneself as above or below others feeds this stratification and further judgment.
Feelings & Emotions in Relationships
1 AnswerErik Fisher, Psychology, answeredThe following explains the difference between love and judgment:
1 AnswerErik Fisher, Psychology, answeredFor many of us, we have been taught that the opposite of love is hate. The more that I have come to understand emotions, I would have to disagree with this long held belief. I see love and hate, back to back to each other at times, looking in different directions, and if love turned to hate to embrace it, hate would still need to look away. I see that we often feel hatred to protect us from the fear of not feeling lovable and/or from seeing our own flaws and inadequacies that are based in our judgments and others which often leave us feeling unloved. This is not opposite, Hate is just protective.
1 AnswerMehmet Oz, MD, Cardiology, answered
Pheromones will clue you in that this is a person you are attracted to, but it can be hard to tell the diff erence from being “in lust” versus “in love.” Do you have anything in common? Anything to talk about? Or is it pure animal attraction?
When you are in love, you feel at your best with the object of your affection; you feel that you can be yourself (not pretend to be someone you aren’t) and be valued for it. A “soul mate” is someone with whom it’s safe to be vulnerable; you can share your feelings and intimate thoughts without fear of ridicule or betrayal. It is someone you trust, someone who will treat you with respect all the time, not just some of the time. If some of these things are true but not all, you may be in lust, or even in love with the wrong person. Look further for the right person.
1 AnswerWhen couples have difficulties that lead to an avoidance of sex, there is often also an avoidance of touching each other for fear it might lead to sex. If you don't have a good amount of non-sexual touching with your partner, then every physical contact is expected to be sexual. This creates an atmosphere of tension, coldness, and isolation.
Just by touching each other on the arm or the hand when you are sitting side by side, you can create an atmosphere of comfort and relaxation. It has been found that there are special nerve endings called C-tactile fibers that produce a feeling of calmness and well-being when stroked slowly and gently. C-tactile fibers are found over the arms, legs, back, and forehead, and explain why it can be so soothing to be touched in this way. This type of touch also helps alleviate pain, and we are instinctually aware of this every time we reach out to stroke someone's arm who doesn't feel well.
A wonderful benefit of touching is that it releases a small amount of oxytocin, the neurotransmitter that helps us bond and feel confident and connected. Both men and women benefit from it's release, although the main function of oxytocin is to produce uterine contractions during and after childbirth. Oxytocin also produces stronger orgasms in women, which is why stimulating a woman's breasts during foreplay and touching her all over leads to a more dramatic sexual experience for her. Cuddling and staring into each other eyes are other ways of increasing the flow of oxytocin, and increasing the bonding between you both.Helpful? 1 person found this helpful.
1 AnswerA honeymoon phase in a relationship has to end. That passionate phase is actually quite stressful -- delicious and wonderful, but stressful, with its constantly heightened emotional state and the lack of sleep and the replacing food with sex. That shit can kill you!
So yeah, it goes away. Or, more accurately, it develops into something less maniacal and more sedate. Deeper. More meaningful.
Not to say the honeymoon phase isn’t meaningful. I think it’s really helpful (though not necessary) to have a blissful period to anchor your partnership. It builds a bond that motivates you to keep trying when it gets really hard.
1 AnswerThe honeymoon phase is made of attachment -- the wildly powerful biological experience we tend to call “falling in love.”
It can last, oh, maybe about 4 years, give or take.
That initial phase, though, isn’t what love is made of; it’s the mania of two people who think they know each other way better than they actually do. Only when you’ve been disillusioned, only when you recognize that you, like every other couple on earth, have (if I remember correctly) about seven irreconcilable differences -- things you will never, ever agree on and that you’ll just have to learn to live with if you’re going to stay together -- only then are you really committed to each other.
And I don’t mean cute stuff like, “He just doesn’t get why I love Bridget Jones.” I mean hard stuff like, “She doesn’t think it’s a problem, spending every Thanksgiving with her family, and I really do.” You will always disagree and the only available solutions involve someone not getting something they want.
So ride the early part of the relationship like a wave. It’ll crash eventually. But dude, when it crashes, you’ll be on the beach! And that’s good too, right?
2 AnswersFirst of all, what not to do is to make rules about what your partner can and can’t do so that you can feel okay. It’s your jealousy, and you’re the one who has to take responsibility.
“But they’re in a relationship with me! They have to help me!” No. No. No. No. And no. They are likely to want to help you (and I would worry about a relationship where a partner is not interested in helping the other to feel more functional in the relationship), but no one is ever under any obligation to help you until they agree explicitly each time. Being an adult is being responsible for meeting your own needs.
So, you should ask for your partner’s help to create an environment where you can let go of your mistrust and/or insecurity:
“Partner, when you go out and spend time with your friends without me, I feel jealous and insecure. It would help me if we could find some sort of compromise. For instance, if you go out, you could maybe call me at 10:00 pm and check in?”
“Partner, when you talk about that co-worker, I get jealous and worried. How would it be if maybe I could meet this person and then the two of us could go out together for the evening?”
Such compromises and collaborations should function as scaffolding while you train yourself to stay over your own emotional center of gravity.
It won’t be easy. You are going to have to take a lot of deep breaths. You’re going to have to call friends to talk you down from calling or emailing or visiting inappropriately.
2 AnswersJealousy due to insecurity about yourself works this way: Your partner goes to work or online or to hang out with friends and your brain starts to spin with thoughts about how they’ll find someone better than you, someone who’s prettier, skinnier, smarter, saner, sexier, with longer legs, longer hair, bigger boobs, and who doesn’t have any emotional baggage.
If this sounds familiar, know this: Doubting your worth will make your partner doubt your worth. Knowing your worth will make them know your worth.
The cliché about not being able to love anyone until you love yourself is painfully true. Those who can’t love themselves are the most in need of love, but their own self-doubt acts as a wedge between themselves and the connection they crave.
1 AnswerBrad Lamm, NASM Elite Trainer, Fitness, answeredStepping through an egregious wrong and coming out the other side is imperative at some point. At the point the wrong occurs, shock sets in and self-protection takes over. With time, a point will come where one direction will hold forgiveness and the other, something different entirely. Forgiveness dissolves the connection to the wrong, and enables freedom.Helpful? 3 people found this helpful.